28 Minutes

6:23

As soon as the watch leaves my grip I feel the weight of something deep in my chest. It falls and falls and falls through me, burning everything away as it does. Shame. Shame burns like a wildfire inside of me as I allow myself the tiniest moment of happiness. Shame kills the butterflies. Shame turns them into a dreaded weight.

For the first time, I've allowed myself to experience the feelings that I've so desperately tried to keep hidden. Feelings that I've been ashamed of my entire life. I've never wanted to be like this. I'm not attracted to guys. I've forced myself not to, but I've slipped. I blame the mistake on Harry. I blame him. I wouldn't have slipped if he hadn't enabled me to.

I hope and pray with firey desperation that this moment is lost to time. That I will forget that this ever happened. Forget happiness. Forget freezing time. I pray that God uses his mighty hand to strike the memory of Harry from my mind to allow me to continue my life unaltered, unaffected.

All at once, I become aware of how close I am to him and his breathing, and his smile, and his taste, and his beautiful sweet smell, and him. It's him. It's a male. A male sits next to me and I've never felt so drawn to someone.

I move.

"I'm straight."

It comes out like a question.

I clear my throat.

"I'm straight. I'm straight."