28 Minutes

6:28

I give myself ten seconds. Ten seconds are allotted for fixing myself. Ten seconds are allowed to pull me back together. Ten seconds is all I need, but I find myself taking five more. With every exhale, I force my fingers to uncurl and my eyes to slowly stop watering. I force my lip to stop wobbling and the tears to leave my eyes.

Fifteen seconds later I'm fine. I allow myself to practice my smile to myself, to perfect the business smile again. The gentle upturnings of the corners of my mouth instead of a smile with my eyes and cheeks. I practice lifting the sleeve of my shirt a little to show off my watch. I practice lifting my voice in an almost-song while saying hello.

I clear my throat once more as I continue back into the room. As the door shuts behind me, my brain cuts those memories out. It becomes less clear, the feelings I had as my brain stores them away.

"Look who decided to finally join us. Aren't you looking handsome tonight," Eleanor cheers. I don't know when she joined my side, but I'm aware of her now. My mind goes blank as my body goes into auto-pilot. I nod at all the right moments, give a quiet laugh at all the right jokes, and secure another radio show for when my next single drops.

As the snake swirls around my arm and we talk I realize that I am the lion I feared all along.