broken ➳ destiel

six

"sometimes, all you can do is lie in bed, and hope to fall asleep before you fall apart." william c hannan

☁

That night, the air was misty and the sky was a light purple mixed with black. Cirrus clouds stretched across the sky with the same color painted onto it. Sleep filled the bunker and it was completely silent, a scatter of a mouse could be heard all across the house. The ambiance was soft and rang through ears and gave hearts discomfort.

Even though it was 2:07 am, the blanket was thrown off the bed and Cas' bare feet hit the carpet.  He looked out his window and saw nothing but the abyssal trees swaying like the melody of space. His tongue was dry and he searched for a glass of water. The creaking of the door echoed through the hallway and made Cas freeze in his trance, he tried not to wake Dean up.

He vigilantly stepped out of the room and into the hallway. There were no lights and so Cas had to carefully calculate each step he took. His stomach growled in hunger and he softly put his hand over his tummy. 

Thinking he knew where he was going, he stepped into another room. But it was a bedroom, too. The lights were cut off completely and he tilted his head in confusion. 

He flipped the light switch and to his demise he saw a scrambling Dean curled up in his bed. Cas widened his eyes and opened his mouth to say something, but all that came out was pure embarrassment and guilt. 

"Cas! What the hell man?" Dean sat straight up and his eyes were squinted from the sudden brightness.

"My apologizes.." Was all that Cas could mutter out. He looked at his hands and played at the fingertips.

Dean made contact with blue eyes and sympathy were in his emerald green ones. He softly smiled and sat up on his bed, the blanket covering his lap. Cas stared into the green, and even though he couldn't tell what they exactly looked like, he knew they were beautiful. Out of all the humans Castiel had seen, he thought Dean was the prettiest out of them all. He didn't love Dean or lust over Dean, he just knew that the man was perfect in every way possible.  Cas didn't know how it was possible. 

Cas couldn't love because he didn't know how. He didn't know what it was like to be made of blood, your hair to be constantly growing, or why does it extremely hurt when you slam your toes into a table. He didn't know the difference between love and hatred. He could love and he could hate but he wouldn't know what it was or why.

"What do you need?" The sudden voice from the bed snapped his long train of thought.

"I was thirsty," The ex-angel said slowly, he caught himself playing with his hands again. Confidence was not his strong-suit when it came to being human, and Cas hated the flaws he had. He hated how clumsy he was, how nervous he got, and even the way he slouched uncomfortably when he stood. He couldn't feel hatred towards other people, only to himself.

Dean noticed the sudden sadness that captivated the blue eyes. Dean stood and flung his duvet onto his bed. He motioned Cas for him to follow. A soft smile was found on Cas' face. Walking down the hallway again, the darkness overcame the space and the only light visible was the dim one from Dean's bedroom. The man flipped a light and slowly each lamp flooded the whole bunker. Cas sighed with relief because he couldn't see in the dark and it honestly filled him with fear, the tug that he felt on his heart whenever he stepped into a room filled with shadows.

They both walked into the kitchen, Cas obliviously trailing behind because he got distracted. Dean grabbed a glass cup and twisted the faucet to get some water. He turned it on all the way cold to get the iciest temperature, it filled fairly quickly and then he twisted it again the opposite way to turn it off. Like a robot, Dean handed Cas the water and waited for him so he could turn off the lights himself.