broken ➳ destiel

nine

"the person who tries to keep everyone happy often ends up feeling the loneliest" unknown

☁

As Dean drove down the familiar streets, with the same cracks and blemishes that Cas remembered, it  gave him a sense of deja vu. It was all familiar. Except, going down the same road he noticed different things from a different angle. He was going backwards from his path the previous hour.

No words were spoken after what Cas had said. It also put a different angle on their situation. Dean had said previously that he needed a break, and that woman helped him relax. But at the same time, it made him more stressed. Whenever he had sex with another woman, more and more guilt went on his shoulders. He wasn't sure why, it just didn't feel right. He felt as if his body belonged to someone else.

He shrugged it off and continued looking at the road. The rain started to cascade more down Baby's windshield and he used the wipers rapidly. He had both hands on the steering wheel because he wanted to make sure not to crash.

At that moment, Dean didn't care if he crashed. The guilt he felt messed with his brain, and he couldn't think straight. But, the man sitting next to him was innocent. He couldn't hurt him. Dean loved Cas. Cas was like a brother in a womb. He couldn't quite love him yet since they were separated. There was one thing separating Dean and Cas. It was that Cas didn't understand him, and Dean didn't understand Cas.

Dean was a man, who never understood angel's characteristics. He didn't know what it was like to be dictated by a much higher power. He didn't have powers or infinite intellectual abilities.

Cas was an angel, who now needed to learn human's characteristics. He didn't know what it was like to not have to be dictated or controlled. He didn't have a human father or a creative mind.

But, both of their lives were too similar. They just couldn't realize it. Both of them are controlled by someone who terrified them. Both of them loved to be free. Both of them loved each other. The thing separating them was unrealized similarity. 

There were so much about each other that they didn't know, and things about themselves that they didn't know. Cas didn't know his grace was growing back faster than normal, and Dean didn't know there was a void in his heart that was missing somebody. Cas didn't know what it was like to fall in love, and Dean didn't know what it was like to not fall in love easily. Cas has never felt pleasure from another individual and he didn't know what he was missing.

Cas wanted to fall in love someday. He just didn't know if he has fallen in love yet. He didn't know the feeling that he felt in the bottom of his heart.

Dean pulled into the driveway of the bunker, the rain getting harder and harder. He stepped out and pulled his jacket over his head, Cas stepped out too and Dean helped him. The rain got on Cas' pants his shoes got muddy, Dean had put the jacket over the both of them. It was a bit cliche, to be honest.

Their shoulders brushing together, Dean was the first to look over at Cas, his plump lips together and his eyelashes sparkled with water droplets. Cas then looked over too, his electric blue eyes were then fully revealed. Their eyes were locked together, and their noses almost brushed. Dean's green eyes scattered around Cas' face, looking at his stubble, with his perfect skin and delicate nose. Cas stared at Dean's scattering eyes, and then with one quick motion, he looked down at his lips.

It was like the world was in half speed, and only their movements were with actual time. Dean wanted to do something in this moment. Cas was so perfect and he didn't deserve somebody like Dean. The unrealized similarity was back, because Cas felt the exact same way. Even though Dean had sinned much more than Cas had, Cas still knew Dean was perfect in every way possible.