broken ➳ destiel

eight

guess who's back. back again

"they say, 'follow your heart' but if your heart is in a million pieces, which piece do you follow?" unknown

☁

Cas walked down the streets of an unfamiliar sidewalk. Abandoned buildings and broken streetlights surrounded him and gave him a somber glow. He put his hands in his pockets and walked humbly. 

He had no idea where he was going, but he paid attention somewhat to when Dean was driving him to that coffee shop. He paid attention to the details of the cracking road, counting each blemish in the ground. But, most importantly he paid attention to the street names, Cas was very good at remembering. It was a skill he developed as an angel, the littlest details can help with the largest amounts.

Five minutes later, he turned a corner called Chicago Avenue. He began walking again. He looked down at his wrist and on a digital watch that was originally Dean's but he gave it to Cas to help him in times of need. Cas read the numbers 3:56 am and looked back up. The watch gave him a sense of comfort, it reminded him of Dean.

The watch didn't comfort him at this moment. He was upset at Dean. He couldn't understand why, he just felt it in his heart. He knew this was wrong, leaving Dean and going who knows where. He knew Dean would get mad if he ever found him. But, Cas didn't think of the circumstance, in all honesty, his emotions got the best of him and him sneaking out the window all happened at a quick pace. Dean was in his bedroom with another person; Cas had thought of it for a while.. and he came to the conclusion that Dean was having intercourse with a woman.

He didn't understand intimacy or sexual actions. He never needed to, but as a human... looking at... certain things made him feel a certain way. For example, Dean. Dean made Cas feel something down in the bottom of his heart. He didn't know what it was, he didn't know if it was bad or good. But, being around him made him happy. Maybe that's why he was upset at Dean getting intimate with another person, because maybe Cas wanted to be that person.

Jealousy.

Cas felt jealousy. How could he feel such a way? He's never felt anything like that before. He's never felt jealousy. He didn't even know it was jealousy. Jealousy was a sin in his Father's eyes. He made his first sin as a human. Cas felt somewhat proud, that he was developing human characteristics, but at the same time, he was disappointed. Once you sin you can never go back.

He felt free now. He felt mixed. Confused. Mad. Sad. Angry. Jealous. Happy. Free. He felt like a soft piano, the notes gradually getting harder and harder with the keys playing. The tears getting harder to hold back with each push of fingers. Like a child tripping and falling off of a bike, the child was dismal and sad because of their skinned knee, but prideful and satisfied because they didn't need training wheels.

He wanted to dance from the imaginary and psychological piano. It is a very emotional thing to finally be free. There's no more chains holding you back by the wrists, no more of the jarring noise of disappointment whenever you don't do something correctly. His halo was officially chattered, his wings were clipped. He couldn't fly from danger, he couldn't use his grace to make his way. 

He was human. 

The ex-angel then realized how far he actually walked, it was about two miles. It felt like minutes. A single drop of water hit the top of his head and eventually more and more came with it. As it started to rain he made a sharp right and into a random building.

It was a small bar filled with lonesome people, swigging away at beers or hitting cues to play pool. A few heads turned to the semi-soaked man in a trench coat, but continued with their game. He respectfully wiped his feet on the doormat and made sure his shoes weren't wet. Looking around, he saw a high seat on the corner of the bar and decided to sit there. As he sat down, a young blonde girl who looked about to be mid-twenties, was wiping the table with a rag around the area Cas was sitting.