🌊 Kim Junkyu
"Junkyu, wake up." Seunghun-hyung called from the door.
"I'm already awake." I answered and sat up with my eyes still shut, then I heard the door closed.
After doing my usual morning routines, I get out of my room, but instead of heading straight to dining area, it has been a habit of mine to drop by Mashiho's room to wake him up. When I opened the door, I was welcomed by a neatly arranged bed sheet. Maybe he woke up earlier than usual today.
I then proceeded to the dining area, and still no Mashiho. "Where's Mashi?" I asked.
"You didn't notice the note on your bed side table?" Seunghun-hyung tilted his head, Hyunsuk-hyung stare at me with curiousity.
"Note?"
"Go check it." Seunghun-hyung said, and I ran up the stairs. As soon as I reached my room, I went straight to my bed side table, and saw a cute note.
I'm sorry for what happened last night. Like what I've told you, I'll try to have this feelings fade away. Maybe it'll be great if I stay away for a while, yeah? Take care and always wear your angelic smile, Kyu. -Mashi.
What did I said earlier? A cute note? More of a cursed note. I went back to dining area with a long face. Why does he have to do that? Is it really required to go away? Can't he just stay here?
"He left earlier at dawn. He's going to stay at dorms near the campus. Asahi already knew about Mashiho's decision and just agreed." Seunghun-hyung explained and I just stared at him.
"Why?" I suddenly blurted out.
"What do you mean why? It's obviously because he wants to get rid off of his rejected love for you-"
"It's not that, Seunghun-hyung. It's because he wants to give Junkyu his time alone. And for Junkyu to take his time moving on from Noa and Mashiho will take his own time to move on too." a voice suddenly interrupted.
"Babe-"
"Don't call me babe, Choi Hyunsuk. It disgusts me." the guy made a disgusted face.
"What? You're my fiance." Hyunsuk-hyung teased.
"Do you want me to tell Byounggon-hyung to break up with you? And to remind you, we'll make this arranged marriage dissolved. My heart belongs to someone else." the guy rolled his eyes, and put his gaze on me.
"Mashiho will stay with me, so don't worry, he's safe. He already knew everything too." he said and smiled at me.
"Thanks, Ji. Thank you so much." I said and he responded with a smile.
I'm peacefully making my way to the psychology building. It's still early for my first class so maybe I'll stay at the library for a while?
I was about to enter the building when I saw two familiar faces, happily talking to each other, being all lovey dovey- like how we used to be before- Noa and Raesung. It makes me wonder how can they go happy like that, knowing that they're hurting someone... How can they display their relationship with the fact that they've hurted someone just for them to be possible? I decided to finally continue walking when Noa ran to me and grasp on my wrist.
"Can we talk?" he asked.
"About what?" I asked coldly.
"Kyu, I want a proper closure-"
"Oh dear Noa, why the want of a proper closure? Our relationship ended in the worst way because of you and you have no rights to demand for your so called proper closure." I said and gently removed his grasp.
"I know what I did was wrong-"
"I'm glad that you know. Well done, Noa."
"Junkyu, can you just let me talk to you?" he sounded frustrated.
"For someone who is asking a favor, you're demanding." I tilted my head.
I was about to add some more but he pulled me all the way to the garden. I harshly pulled my hand from his grip and gave him a glare.
"Say everything you wanna say, and we're done here." I demanded and he heaved a sigh.
"Kyu, I'm sorry. I know what I did was wrong and it hurted you. I'm really really sorry. I was told by Hyunsuk-hyung that you still lock yourself inside your room because of what happened, because of what I did, and my guilt just completely messed me up. Kyu. I'm sorry, I fell out of love with you, but instead of directly telling you, I've chosen the wrong way. I cheated. I want you to know that it's not about you... There's nothing wrong with you, you're actually perfect. You don't deserve someone better, Kyu. You deserve the best-"
"Why did you choose to cheat? Why of all choices, you've chosen to hurt me?" I asked him with tears falling from my eyes.
"I was scared, Kyu."
"Scared of what, Noa?"
"I was scared that I would hurt you if I tell you that I don't love you anymore." he said and wiped his tears.
I chuckled in pain, "What the fuck, Noa? What do you think happened after cheating on me? Damn it, Noa! You wrecked me!! YOU RUINED EVERYTHING! I KEPT ON ASKING MYSELF WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME, WHAT DOES RAE HAVE THAT I DON'T AND YOU CHOSE HIM OVER ME!!" I fell on the ground as my knees get weak.
I covered my face with my palms and cried. I cried out loud. I'm letting all of the pain, sadness and frustrations out with this tears and sobs. I felt his hands holding my elbows for support.
"Kyu, I'm so sorry. You can hate me after this... But never hate yourself and never doubt yourself."
"You don't know how I cry myself to sleep every night... You don't know how it feels to doubt your worth, the feeling of being not enough despite of giving and doing your best... Noa, you have no idea how lost I am, how I feel so empty! You don't know how much pain I've gone through because of you." I cried still with my face covered.
"Trust me, Kyu, I know. That's why I'm here. To apologize. I want you to be happy, Junkyu. I want you to find your happiness. I want you to be alive again."
"You've killed me already, Noa."
"I believe, someone will make you feel alive again. Someone who will show you the most beautiful side of life, Kyu. You just need to open your eyes and heart for them." he pulled my hands away from my face, and wiped my tears.
"Someone who will never make you cry because of pain, but because of happiness." he added.
"Leave me alone. Please."
He planted a kiss on the top of my forehead, "Goodbye, Junkyu." and he stood up and walked away.
The moment he disappeared on my sight, I broke down again. The wounds I was trying to cover were opened and now, bleeding again, and it stings more than before. How will I move on? How will forget about him? Forgetting someone who used to be your home before is never easy. Walking away from someone who used to be a part of you will never be easy.
It's not easy, but it's also not impossible. All you need to do is gather all your courage to take a step forward, and try little by little.
Like what they say, small improvements are still improvements.
I looked at the opening of the garden where Noa went his way out... Please, love him with all your heart and never hurt him. This time, cherish him. Don't commit the same mistake again, Noa. Be happy.
