The Lonely God

53.

*Song above: You're somebody Else (Acoustic) - Flora Cash

-HER-

A scream is all I hear before I am thrown back with so much force that I hit the courtroom wall, knocking him with me. I squeeze my eyes shut and hold myself from screaming as I feel a tingling on my neck before it's replaced by excruciating pain.

His mark is gone.

I am free... or that's what I thought.

I let out a small groan as I try to get up. The pain in my abdomen from the wound and the burns are still there. I have exhausted all the energy that my body possessed. Vesta is silent inside me. It feels like something has gone missing from inside me.

I am surrounded by black smoke and fire so it's hard to see around. I slowly get up and lean against the wall as I see fire lick every inch of the courtroom. I don't know what happened to Ishtar. I don't know what happened to him. I don't know what happened to me but it feels like everything has ended.

Something in me tells me that I have successfully lifted the curse from Zaeris and that... my bond with Arles is broken. I can definitely feel the latter. I can feel it deep inside me. There is a gaping hole in my chest. It feels like an organ has been ripped out of my body. Suddenly, everything seems light inside, the weight is gone. Or maybe, it's because I am empty now. The warm fuzzy feeling, that low buzz of electricity whenever he is around is gone or maybe he himself is gone. Maybe he left as soon as the curse broke. Maybe, I am not needed anymore.

I don't know what happened but I don't feel what I expected myself to feel.

I expected to feel somewhat relieved. I expected to feel free... free from the shackles of his power and arrogance in the name of the bond. I expected myself to feel satisfied to have ended everything between us and also for keeping my promise of lifting the curse from Zaeris.

Now that I have done the work for them, now that I have done the things he kept me captive for, I am not needed anymore. He doesn't need me anymore. This thought makes my insides ache. I shouldn't be feeling this.

I shouldn't be bothered by whatever happened between us in the past and forget everything and move and have a new life, maybe but I can't help myself from thinking about what we had together. It has ended. Finally. I can't believe this. But isn't this what I wanted? Wasn't it the reason for which I came here in the first place? But now, why does it bother me? Why I am not as happy as I imagined myself to be?

I am surprised by my own emotions. I didn't realize when the smoke cleared a bit. I hear him step behind me.

Him.

My heart starts to race again and I feel a new batch of butterflies in my stomach. I don't know what is happening but this something new. I have never felt this before. Never when we used to be mates. I take a deep breath and face him knowing that he is not my mate anymore. We're not 'us'. There's no 'us'.

As soon as my eyes meet his silver ones, I feel my insides melting into a puddle. I want to go running into his arms but instead of that, I stand at my place and looking at him for the last time before I disappear. I am finding it hard to keep my emotions at bay and I am afraid that some of them will slip through the cracks that he managed to open on my hard surface.

He just stands there and looks at me. There's nothing in his eyes. It's him again. He's not my mate.

The longer I look into his silver eyes, more and more I realize that even though the bond is gone I... I still love him. A part of me still wants us to be together but I am afraid he might not be feeling the same.