Of Heroes and Villains

The Short Chapter Full of Grief

"I overheard a little of what you were talking about," Sean said as he drove. The car entered the deserted area between Nova City and Lavia, which wasn't a place filled with fond memories for either of them. "Omen's petition may be a nuisance, but it's not as bleak as you might think."

"How so?" asked Don, trying not to look at the sand. It reminded him of being helpless against John and Dimitri, and that moment was something he didn't plan on letting happen again. "Is his vapor gonna make the haters not hate?"

"He's taking the next step in the Esper Rights Movement. Instead of just having us handle the cases with criminal espers, he's working on making esper groups fight crime altogether. He calls it the Superhero Organized Ensemble, or SHOE for short. I think he just added the ensemble bit to make the acronym sound like that."

Don pouted. "It's gonna take forever for something like that to pass."

"No, actually. It's not."

"It almost feels as though you've arrived at the point, sir."

"Nova City is pretty advanced as far as esper rights go. We've already been cleared to start working as both private detectives and assistants to the NCPD. The law starts taking effect next week."

'Wow, that actually is good news,' Don thought. 'I was starting to wonder where such a thing even existed anymore.'

There were cops situated at the entrance to Lavia, which was no surprise. The city wasn't all that keen on visitors after Val's attack.

'Not that she's the only one to blame,' Don acknowledged. 'I probably could've made it less messy.'

A strange feeling crawled into his chest, and wouldn't leave. It was something Don had never felt before. It was heavy and suffocating, like a massive boulder that couldn't be moved.

'What the hell is wrong with me?'

Sean showed the cops his ID, and the two were allowed to pass. Almost everyone in the city was outside, wearing black. Sean parked his car before they got to the small alleys that lead to the square where most of the tragic deaths had taken place.

The two got dirty looks as they made their way to the square, no doubt because the people didn't recognize them. Strangers weren't the best thing for Lavia at such a time.

The statue built to represent the losses the city went through wasn't a particularly well-made one. It was just a giant rock from what Don could tell. Hundreds of lanterns were scattered around it, all of them lit. There was quite the crowd there, but Don pushed his way through. People of all ages were in tears, the most disturbing of which was a woman who had lost her children.

"Please give them back to me," she wept to herself, and Don had to look away. The proverbial boulder got heavier.

'Why am I so bothered by this? I've never given a damn about others before. None of them give a damn about me, so what's going on? I don't get this. There's absolutely no reason for me to feel bad. So what if I got some of them killed? I took out a threat to myself. I've always looked out for myself; It's why I've survived for so long. I owe these people nothing.'

On the front of the boulder were photographs of everyone who had died. At least thirty people to Don's estimation. The face that stuck out the most was that of the little boy he had seen get blown up. He was smiling in the photo, playing on a swing set.

'I bet you never even thought that might be your last time playing there, huh?' Don thought. 'Looking so happy, like an idiot. You had no clue, huh?'

The longer he stared, the more it seemed like the boy was staring back.

'Quit looking at me like that, would you? I did what I had to do.'

That was a lie and Don knew it.

'Are you in a better place right now?'

He hadn't thought about heaven or hell in years.

'You better not come back and haunt me. Your eyes hurt enough already.'

"That was my big brother," said a quiet voice from next to Don. When he looked down, he saw a little girl staring up at him. "The picture you were looking at - it's my big brother." She grimaced, looking away. "Was my brother." Tears started forming in her eyes, and before Don knew what was happening, he found himself kneeling down to face her, putting a hand on her head. "Is he ever gonna come back? Why'd he have to leave?" Her breathing became more erratic.

'Please don't do this to me, kid.'

"I want Tommy back! Why'd he have to go!?" the girl bawled.

'Come on. Shut up. I get it already.'

"He has a football game tomorrow. H-He'll be mad if he misses it."

'I get it. It's my fault. I did this.' He started to gently trace circles atop her head.

"Who took Tommy away?" the girl cried, looking back at Don with her big, teary eyes. "Why couldn't that person go away instead?"

The words hit Don harder than any esper ever could. The fear he had felt in the presence of ZONE was nothing compared to the fear this little girl's eyes put into him.

"I'm sorry," he muttered, standing up. "I'm so sorry."

Don started pushing through the crowd again, desperate to get as far from the girl as possible. His legs felt weak, and his fingers were shaking. Sean finally caught up with him just as he parted from the crowd.

"Are we already leav-"

"Make it stop," Don blurted it, not letting the man finish. "I don't like this. It's bad. How do I make it stop?"

Sean's expression was grim. "There's nothing you can do to completely erase that. You did a bad thing, Don, and people died because of it. The only thing you can do is bring the faces on that stone some justice. If we beat ZONE, the score will be settled. Your guilt will never really be gone, though. At least you can say you've learned something from this."

Don realized tears were flowing down his face. "What's that? What the fuck could I possibly have learned? That feeling sucks? I already knew that. Feeling never brought me any joy. It only ever fucked me up. What the hell am I supposed to learn from this, then?"

"How to be human again." Sean's words made no sense, at first. "Do you honestly think that if it were the current you going up against Val, you'd make the same choices? I know I don't."

Don stayed silent, and started walking toward the car.

'He's right. Is this what it's like to be one of the good guys? I'm not fucking cut out for this. I'm supposed to be the aloof neutral guy, so why do I give a shit? Is it that I care about the idiots I work with? That can't be it. I don't even fucking know them, right? So why would I give a fuck if they died? I didn't even know that boy - Tommy - so why do I care?'

He got into the car, and Sean drove them back home. Don spent the trip crying silently.

'I don't want to feel like this anymore. How do I make it stop?'

Thinking about it long and hard, Don finally came to a conclusion.

'I'm gonna stop ZONE, but I'm just doing it for me, right? I'm their target, and it's just self-defense, right?'

Try as he might to convince himself otherwise, Don knew he just wanted to protect people, but didn't quite know why.