Zayn’s fingers were still curled around my wrist when I handed him the book, sniffling softly. His hand dropped to his side limply as his eyes scanned the page, his brow furrowing. His jaw tensed and his hands were shaking when he closed the diary. The air around him felt tense, any words I could think of got stuck in my throat. Then, everything happened in a flash.
There was a loud crash as the book was thrown at a wall, hitting a lamp and causing it to fall down to the floor. Zayn started picking things up from the desk, throwing them around and kicking whatever was in his reach. I stood nailed to the ground as I watched him break down in front of my eyes. His walls had finally crumbled and he had lost all composure, taking out his anger on his father’s belongings.
Eventually, he stopped. His chest was heaving when he turned to look at me, fear suddenly coursing through my body. Zayn must have noticed, because his gaze softened. He gave me a questioning look, as if asking me if I really thought he would hurt me. Shaking my head, I let him approach me, still cautious of what he would do. I tensed when he wrapped his arms around my waist, burying his head in my shoulder. Carefully, I placed my hands on his back, melting into his touch. His shoulders were shaking and soft sniffles could be heard. I tightened my grip around him, softly swaying us from side to side. Time was forgotten as we stood in the room, books and writing utensils spread around.
He carefully lifted his head, giving me an apologetic look. There were tear streaks on his face and his lashes were stuck together from the wetness. He was so close, but it felt… right. I let out a breath I didn’t know I was holding when his arms slid away from my body.
‘’I’m sorry,’’ he mumbled. It felt like a bucket of ice water was dunked on my head. He was apologising, for what? For acting human and needing someone to comfort him? For ruining the room? I couldn’t care less about what happened to this office. I was starting to hate it with a burning passion.
‘’Don’t say that.’’ He shook his head, wiping at his cheeks.
‘’You’re so nice to me. Even after everything I’ve done,’’ he cried. He was slowly starting to inch away from me, but my hand instinctively reached out, held on to his wrist.
‘’You didn’t do anything. You paid the price for what your father did and I won’t rest until I’m absolutely sure you get to live the normal life you deserve to live.’’
‘’How can you say that? How can you even look at me? I’m a murderer!’’ Zayn tore his wrist from my grip, tears welling up in his eyes.
‘’I don’t think you are. You didn’t cho-‘’
‘’I killed your friends!’’ Silence. My ears were full of it, buzzing until it made my head ache. He was silently crying, looking at me as if he was expecting me to leave. I didn’t move an inch.
‘’How do you know?’’ I muttered. He scoffed and sat down on the now empty desk. His legs were swaying back and forth while he stared blankly at the walls.
‘’You know, waking up and finding three dead bodies in your house does things to you. But what was really interesting, was that there were four torches on the ground, not three. And of course, you coming back and mentioning a beast while I hadn’t told you about it made it pretty obvious.’’
I was racking my brain, trying to think back to yesterday. Everything in my mind seemed to be scrambled, blurred together. It all appeared like a dream to me, not in the sense that it felt unreal, but being out of control. It felt like I was trapped in the moment of waking up after a dream, the images floating around in your head, just out of reach. A frustrated groan escaped my lips as I sat down on the only chair in the room.
‘’I don’t really remember anything we might have talked about, but I’m here, ok? I’m going to solve this with or without your help,’’ I insisted. Zayn gave me a hesitant look, his mouth set in a grim line. You could almost see the wheels turning in his head, his brows knitting together. Exhaustion was clear in his features: the dark circles under his eyes and the way his body was slumped. After a while he slowly nodded, looking out the window as if the sun was going to whisper him words of encouragement.
I understood. Why he seemed so hesitant. It was part of an inner battle that must have been going on since before I was born, its roots so deep that you can’t quite see where it really begins. But we’d get there eventually. One step at a time. My thoughts were interrupted when Zayn slid off the desk, moving to stand in front of the chair I was sitting down on.
‘’Fine, but how do you want to do this?’’ Even though he didn’t seem entirely convinced - still stuck with the idea he couldn’t be helped - he let me help. It was definitely better than sitting around.
‘’Well, your father mentioned a demon and a promotion. Those two things must be connected, not that I’m saying he couldn’t get a promotion on his own, because I’m su-‘’ The look Zayn gave me shut me up momentarily, my teeth finding my bottom lip.
‘’Right, rambling… sorry.’’ Truth was, he made me nervous. Nothing needed to be said: his eyes spoke volumes. Small gestures that told me when to stop talking or when to continue. But they also told me things he wasn’t aware of, things he didn’t realise he was showing. Those made my stomach flip and roll. Whenever his eyes lingered just a moment too long, or how he seemed to become less tense whenever I’m nearer. It were the small things.
It wasn’t just Zayn that made me nervous, it was myself. It scared me when I first came here and felt this pull, how common sense seemed to have left the building when he came into the picture. I wasn’t thinking, it was impossible to concentrate around him. Every decision I made didn’t make sense, at least not to others it would. But it felt right.
But that was just it, wasn’t it? What I was feeling. It scared me, because I didn’t know what to do with it. I was scared it was the wrong thing to do, that falling for him was bad. It didn’t feel like that, though.
Falling for Zayn felt just right.
Looks like Harry finally realised his true feelings.. Will this affect things? Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this chapter! And ugh I keep thanking you for reading and commenting and voting, I must be so boring. But I really DO appreciate it! So thank you :). Next chapter on.. Sunday!
Until then xxx <3
ps. Steal My Girl vid today.. I'm curious.
