I had thought about going to Zayn, but I just didn’t feel up to it. Where I ended up instead was a small church: St. Mary’s Church. I was still sat outside in my jeep, tapping my fingers on the steering wheel. With my father off to work and nothing left to do, I decided to go here. Why? I wasn’t sure. Didn’t all people look for guidance during difficult times?
Eventually I gathered the courage to get out of my jeep and walked up the small stone path to the entrance. One door was already open, allowing me to see inside. As far as I could see there was nobody around, so I moved forward and stopped in front of the altar. I had never been the religious type, but I had always thought their faith was a beautiful thing. After a short while I stepped away from the altar to sit on one of the wooden benches, folding my hands in my lap.
I was unsure of how much time passed, but I wasn’t counting. The calm atmosphere of the church temporarily settled the uneasy stirring within me, and I was reluctant to go. A certain movement caught my attention, and I stood from my seat once I saw a priest enter the chapel from a small room off the side. Without words, he motioned for me to sit back down and took place next to me.
‘’You look troubled, young man,’’ he remarked, offering me a gentle smile. He had kind features and there was a certain way he regarded me, as if he knew more than he let on. I only nodded and threaded my fingers together, looking down at them as I thought of things to say. It hadn’t been my intention to actually speak to someone, but what harm could it do?
‘’There’s a lot going on right now and I’m not sure what the outcome will be. It scares me,’’ I explained, glancing at him from the corner of my eye. He remained silent for a while, just nodding and looking off into the distance. There wasn’t much I could reveal, but I didn’t feel like I needed to.
‘’But what do you think will happen?’’ he asked, focusing his gaze on me. The strange thing was, I hadn’t thought about that. I was so worried about not knowing anything that I forgot to think about what actually could happen. But no matter how much I tried to think, my mind stayed blank. One could spend hours trying to come up with possible scenarios, but I had nothing to go on – this world I was recently introduced to was completely new to me. I shrugged, not sure how to voice my thoughts. As I looked at the cross statue on the altar, something crossed my mind.
‘’You believe in God, right?’’ I waited for him to nod before continuing, ‘’so you also believe there could be something… bad?’’ I waved my hand around at nothing particular, but he seemed to have gotten the message. There was a short silence in which he looked down at his folded hands, me waiting patiently for him to respond.
‘’They say there is no light without dark, no good without evil. But there always has to be a certain balance: things can’t always be bad, nor can they always be good. Sometimes all we can do is wait… and see what happens,’’ he spoke, keeping his eyes fixed on me. I could feel there was a certain truth to what he said, but I was also wondering how long the bad was going to last. Like he said: things couldn’t always be bad, but how many days, weeks, or years would it take? And there was also the unanswered question of how bad things could be before it became too much? Where and when was the limit?
But what was even the point of me asking all these questions? It wasn’t like I could do much about it. I hated how right he was. No matter what decisions I made, I was still being carried away in some sort of river and it looked like it was going downstream. It could either end in a destructive waterfall or a beautiful sea. But whatever. I was done thinking about it, done worrying and fearing. I would probably hate myself later, but I was going to follow my heart on this one.
‘’Thank you, father…?’’
‘’Thompson,’’ he supplied, slowly rising from his seat. I nodded, moving to stand on my own two feet and noticing he was not much shorter than me.
‘’Well, thank you. I know what I’m supposed to do now.’’
***
This seemed to be a recurring event: me sitting in my jeep, tapping the steering wheel while I was trying to figure out if I should stay in there or get out and face what was going to happen next. I was just outside the forest, having driven there in such a hurry that I hadn’t even given myself the time to think about what I was going to say.
I hadn’t told him about the funeral. I just couldn’t. And now it was past noon, while I normally showed up quite early. At least I had changed into different clothes - showing up in funeral attire would be too obvious. And hot, because the sun was still adamant on making everything uncomfortable, the heat weighing down on you and draining you like a leech. A strangled laugh escaped my throat, because that was just how things felt: like the entire world was out to get me. I was feeling perpetually threatened, which was also my own fault, because I was basically seeking danger by helping Zayn. But it was the right thing to do, wasn’t it?
Eventually I forced myself out of my jeep, taking a deep breath before starting the small climb towards the mansion. I had already grown familiar with the path, allowing my mind to wander to certain places while my feet carried me forward. Before I knew it, I was looking up at the house, seeing the front door grow larger before I was finally standing in front of it, hands shaking at my sides. I drew a few breaths before opening the door, my stomach sinking when Zayn wasn’t waiting like last time.
‘’Zayn?’’ I called, waiting a beat before slowly walking up the stairs. This time I actually knocked on his bedroom door, teeth worrying my bottom lip while I listened to the movement behind the door. A few seconds passed before the door opened, revealing a slightly disoriented Zayn – his hair sticking up in all directions and eyes squinting at me.
‘’Harreh? Wha time’s it?’’ he slurred, stepping back to let me into his room.
‘’It’s just past noon,’’ I said, stopping next to his bed and turning around to face him.
‘’Noon? That’s kind of late for you.’’ He seemed to be waking up slowly, rubbing his eyes.
‘’Figured you might need the sleep,’’ I explained, looking away from him, afraid my eyes would betray me. He only nodded and I offered a gentle smile, which he returned. There was a short silence in which he yawned and stretched, his shirt lifting up the tiniest bit to reveal the smooth skin on his hip. I tried not to look, but couldn’t help the blush that crept up my neck and tainted my cheeks. If he noticed anything, he didn’t show it, because he simply sat down on his bed and looked up at me expectantly. I cleared my throat, deciding I’d better get right to it.
‘’So, want to go through our plan one more time?’’
So this was more or less a bridge to the next chapter - in which you'll find out a few things. It will be up on Monday :). Oh, have a nice weekend everyone!
All the love xxx <3
