Minigolf. The first word that came to mind when I heard it was ‘dreadful’, but my dad insisted and that’s how we found ourselves on the golf course, equipped with tiny sticks and pencils to write down scores with that were just too small to hold comfortably. I had obviously been here before, and it hadn’t changed a bit. The course, if I remember correctly, wasn’t too difficult. But the current state it was in – full of holes and uneven patches – would double the amount of time it would take you to get it in the hole. Even just thinking about it got me frustrated.
‘’So, who’s up first?’’ asked my dad, who was already nearly bouncing, waiting to get started. I shrugged and motioned for him to take the lead, dragging my feet as we went. There was an uneasy pressure in my stomach, because I was supposed to be at Zayn’s over an hour ago. The entire night I had spent coming up with worst case scenarios, what could happen if I didn’t show up today. Even if I promised. Trust was a vital thing, but that wasn’t the only thing I was afraid of losing.
‘’Pay attention, son!’’ dad called cheerfully as I hit the ball without thinking, causing it to shoot off in the wrong direction. Yes, today was going to be terrible. Not only was I forced to partake in the most boring activity of all time, my dad was going to spoil it even more by being competitive. Because that’s what he always did.
***
Now, I wasn’t a sore loser, but with my dad rubbing it in my face I really started to wish I hadn’t lost. It was easier, though. If I had won, I would have to pretend to be happy. Put a smile on my face and make an effort to seem pleased by it while in fact, I didn’t care. Not one bit. What I cared about was Zayn being alone and me being out here, playing minigolf and eating pizza with my father. The pizza part would come later, once we actually got home and ordered it.
Wind was blowing in my face as I looked out of the open car window, finally having some time to think after my father stopped talking. My thoughts were scattered in my head and I was just generally feeling anxious. Hopefully things were going to be alright, because I didn’t need more disappointments, more things to fix and worry about. There was a constant pressing feeling that I needed to do something, that I couldn’t sit still. It made me want to jump out of the car and run, just so I would be doing something and not sitting here.
‘’Son, we’re ho-‘’ my father started before he was interrupted by buzzing, snapping me out of my thoughts. While he fumbled with his phone, I looked around and noticed that we indeed had made it home. Sighing, I swung open the car door and followed my father towards the house while his frown kept growing deeper as the conversation went on. From experience I already knew what he was going to say, but on this rare occasion I didn’t actually mind. We were paused in the hallway, and I watched my father bid goodbye to the person on the other side while giving me an apologetic look.
‘’Harry, I’m very sorry, but I need to go. And the way things are sounding now I think I’ll be a while,’’ he finished tiredly, running his hand through his hair – a motion I was all too familiar with.
‘’It’s ok, I understand. You’re an important man and they need you.’’ He gave me a sad smile before nodding and heading back off again, while I pretended my plan for the rest of the evening would be to watch television. As I heard the car pull out of the driveway, I glanced at the time on my phone, calculating in my head how long I would have left. Three hours. Right then that was all I needed. Without wasting another second, I quickly made my way out, nearly sprinting towards my car.
There was something I needed to take care of.
***
Branches kept slapping against me, but I didn’t care, because I had to hurry. Lately the sun had been unpredictable, so it wasn’t sure how much time I had left. As soon as the meadow came into view, I set out in a full sprint, nearly tripping over my own feet. I didn’t even bother knocking or announcing my arrival – just threw open the door and skidded to a stop, trying to catch my breath. There was no sign of Zayn, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t inside. Leaning against the frame of the door, I bent over, pressing at the stitch in my side. Running had never been my thing. I tilted up my head at the sound of approaching feet, finding a dishevelled Zayn standing under the arch of the living room.
‘’I thought you weren’t going to come,’’ he stated, looking at his feet. Before I said anything, I had to show him first. Show him that nothing had changed. So I hurried towards him and wrapped my arms around him, burying my face in his neck. I could sense his brief hesitation before he responded, his hot breath fanning over the back of my neck as he let out a deep breath. Not letting him down was so important to me. This had been a new beginning for me, someone that hadn’t been a part of me and my past. I just wanted there to be one person I hadn’t let down. A person that only knew the best of me. Or was that wish too unrealistic?
‘’I’m so sorry,’’ I mumbled, pressing my lips against his neck as a peace offering. ‘’My dad is becoming more and more suspicious and then I had to spend time with him today so I couldn-‘’ my rambling was cut off by Zayn pressing his lips against mine, cupping my cheeks in the process. This whole process was still utterly overwhelming. Just the thought that he might feel the same, that I made him feel those things. When he pulled away I had to catch my breath for a second time today.
‘’It’s okay. I found something, though…’’ he trailed off, letting his hands glide down my shoulders towards my waist, where he rested them. I waited for him to continue, worrying my bottom lip as I scanned his features, hoping to find a clue.
‘’I read something in my father’s diary,’’ he paused, tightening his grip, ‘’There’s no easy way to say this, so I’ll just say it. I have a brother.’’ Well, you could add that to the list of things I never expected to hear.
‘’But how is that possible?’’ I asked, fearing I already knew the answer.
‘’He – there was this woman. When she found out she was pregnant with his child she started blackmailing him for money,’’ he muttered, swallowing heavily.
‘’Another reason why he made the deal,’’ I finished for him, rubbing his arms softly. He only nodded and allowed his head to fall forward against my shoulder. There was nothing you could say in a situation like this, really. It was awful how one person that wasn’t even alive anymore had managed to break Zayn’s trust like this, pulling him apart piece by piece. How the things he did came back to haunt Zayn, on top of everything else. I couldn’t even imagine how I would feel if my dad turned out to be a completely different person. Like turning over a coin and discovering a whole other story.
‘’I want to go find him, once this is all over,’’ he sniffled, looking me in the eyes. I nodded, giving him the most assuring smile I could muster, because somehow I understood. It was the last tie to his past, to his family. Or part of it.
And maybe he had answers. God knows we needed answers.
Um.. surprise? Anyway, thank you so much for 2k reads! You're all amazing :). Next update is on Saturday. We're almost there..
All the love xxx <3
