Lynne

Chapter 34

My boots crunched softly against the snow. Returning home from my trip had little comfort compared to what it once had, especially since I had left the state without seeing my parents once. I wondered if Tatsuo had planned that. He probably did.

But now, as small flakes of snow fell slowly around me, I wandered the streets of the city, my arms crossed in front of my chest for warmth. My hood was pulled up. I had hoped to avoid confrontation as much as possible tonight. The streetlamps offered little recluse from the cold, though I forced myself to pause my walk underneath them once in a while before continuing to the heart of the city. I was looking for something. I had seen only one in my entire life living here, and I hoped it still worked. But it had been a long walk already.

The sky was completely dark, and if I had to guess, it was about eight o'clock. It was dangerous, on top of everything else, for me to be walking the streets, alone and without a phone, on a Saturday night. Part of me hoped I wouldn't get lost. Part of me didn't care.

Who am I kidding? Returning home, no, to that stupid flat, was miserable. There, I was always tense, always grumpy, and always ready to leave. It was only after sitting in that godforsaken room for hours that I decided I had had enough. It had been too long since I spoke to them. It had been too long since I heard their voices. I didn't care about the consequences anymore. I had nothing else to lose.

So, pulling my scarf tighter around my neck, I followed the sidewalk towards the only payphone left in town.

It was across from the club we had gone to for my introductory party. The club where I had rescued Luka from. The club where I first met Anon and Kanon. I was in no mood to smile, but I couldn't help but chuckle at the irony of it all. Willingly coming back to this place after weeks, trying to survive the attack the twins had put on me. It was cruel. And I was broken enough to laugh at it.

Lifting my head just a little, glancing through the silently falling flakes, the outline of the box appeared. My heart jumped. I'll finally get to talk to him, I realized. It had been weeks. But it felt like it had been years.

But what if he's changed his mind? The thought was enough to make me stop in my tracks. It had been so long, I wouldn't be surprised if he - and the others - had completely forgotten about me at this point. Maybe Anon and Kanon weren't so bad when you got to know them. Maybe living with them wasn't so bad. Maybe I was thrown into this flat, completely forgotten. They hadn't tried to contact me since their concert -

If they had forgotten about you, then why would that do that for you? They surely were punished for that show when Tatsuo found out what they were doing. But that had been so long ago, maybe they succumbed to the pressure. Maybe they gave up.

An unexpected, loud whimper escaped my throat. I threw a hand over my mouth to suppress it, closing my eyes to stop the tears. Stop thinking like that. It's not true. They wouldn't.

I remembered the barrier I had felt when I first met them. How it felt like it was me against them, me against the world. I felt that barrier rising once more. And it crushed me.

With a deep breath, I calmed myself, lowering my gloved hand back down to my side. You're jumping to conclusions.

But it seemed so real, so plausible, that I had half the nerve to turn around, finally accepting my fate and living the rest of my life alone in that flat. I could make it nice, I told myself. Finally throw out all of that junk in the back, maybe redo the floors, the walls. It could be nice.

No convincing made me feel better about it. I was lucky I was the only one on this street. I must have looked crazy, standing aimlessly in the middle of the sidewalk, in the snow, on the verge of tears. It was still too early for the clubbers to be out, and it was too late for those on their way home from work or chores. Looking around, I could easily convince myself that I was the last living person on earth. I definitely felt like it.