#SOTUS Continued: Book One A PremWad Tale

Reservations

Knott's POV

"Why can't I find them?" I mumble to myself as I pull out the drawer on my nightstand. "I was sure I put them in here after P'Tum's wedding." I stop when I see what is in the drawer. So this is where he stashed those. Sitting on the bed, I pick up both boxes.

One for me and one for him. One for him? Huh?

"I think I need to explain the ins and outs of this before we go further."

Is it arrogant of me to think I wasn't going to be the one receiving? Tew has yet to have this ins and outs talk with me. I tried to talk to him that night, but he just avoided it then, and every time I brought it up after that. Tew should get an award for his ability to lead conversations away from things he doesn't want to discuss. How I ended up tutoring him on a subject he won't take until next year is beyond me.

"Knott, are you ready?" Tew asks, walking in. He looks at what I am holding and comes and sits down by me. "Knott?"

"I was looking for cufflinks," I explain.

"Those are not cufflinks," Tew chuckles, taking the boxes from my hand, "Any reason you are looking at these?"

"Just wondering," I shrug.

"Knott," Tew leans on my shoulder, "You can ask questions. I won't make fun of you." I have been asking.

"Why did you get a box?" I ask, "Are we going to take turns? Not to be an ass, but I thought I would be top."

"I got the ones for me, so if we ended up in a situation, I didn't want to make a mess," Tew explains. "Sometimes, it is just easier than cleaning up."

"Oh," I hum, looking at the boxes. "Why did you avoid the ins and outs convo you promised?"

"I was feeling awkward," Tew grins, "After I went and talked a big game, I felt shy when it came time."

"Are you avoiding sleeping with me?" I ask. My heart drops when he flinches ever so slightly.

"Can't say no," Tew lays back on the bed.

"What scares you?" I lie back and look at him.

"Getting hurt," Tew sighs, turning to look at me.

"Do you think I am going to hurt you?" I reach across and stroke his cheek.

"Not on purpose," Tew places his hand on mine, "There are just too many things in play. You were straight until you met me. You are the only son of a fairly prominent family."

"My family is not that important," I interrupt.

"Knott, I know who you are," Tew frowns at me, "And that scares me. I don't think you would intentionally hurt me, but if it came down to choosing between your family and me, I know who you would choose."

"So was this is over before it even started," I say, throwing my arm over my eyes. "Who I am will never change. Ai'Bright told me I should never have started this if I was going to break you." I take a ragged breath. "But I think I am the one that is going to break."

"Did I say I want to stop? Have I run away?" Tew sits up and slaps my chest, "I don't want to give up."

"But you don't want to move forward either," I accuse, sitting back up. "Tew, I don't know what I would choose if my parents gave me an ultimatum, but I do know you are the last person I would want to hurt. So if you have reservations about us, maybe we should take some time off."

I can't believe the words that just came out of my mouth. That is the last thing I want to do. Why did I say this? I just gave Tew an out. Shit! We were going out on a simple dinner date. Dinner! How did we end up here? Why does my heart feel like it just died?