labyrinth Δ harry styles

Door Thirty: Demons

TRYING TO IMAGINE how different things would be if I had just made decisions differently—like maybe calling out of work, confronting my best friend, or even pretending that my trauma was never there—was more difficult that I thought it would be. I thought I was old enough to manage these emotions, to harbor them into a safer state of mind where it wouldn't rot my mind until it became a habit, to fear the mistakes and the consequences—either good or bad—that came with it. I'd be lying to myself if I said I was doing enough to pull myself together, but I couldn't even do that. For a while I was grounded, I was working hard to pay my bills, and I had a solid relationship with my mother, sister, and best friend (who probably now doesn't see me as anything more as a roommate). But now I feel as though I am in an uncontrolled state, where events in my life seem to run with disorder and unprecedented chaos.

Even at work, Juniper and Luca were starting to notice how reserved I became. I thought there was a lot on my mind, but this is much more than I know what to do with. I have problems with Natasha for stupid, stupid, reasons; Problems with Harry that seemed to have stem from no where; And worst of all, problems with Luce's father.

Luca did his best to try and console me whenever he saw fit, and Juniper tried to do the same in her own way, which honestly did nothing but make me feel even worse. Juniper was no good when it came to feelings, making it feel like I had been talking to a brick wall. Whereas Luca, he was like a pillow. He became the end-of-the-day comfort that I heeded the most when there was no one else to spill my thoughts and emotions to. Of course, I avoided anything that had to do with Harry and my sisters' father.

"I'm just not feeling like myself, lately," I said to him as we were sat for our break one long gloomy afternoon.

But at that point in the conversation, Luca did not know what to say other than to listen. And maybe having someone listen to what I had to say, might have just been what I needed since my lack of human communication has kept this all built up. I guess it felt good to let out a few things, but it still didn't make me feel better, especially not when this "label ban" relationship I have with Harry is left unresolved. The topic of Harry is just one giant umbrella that covers other multiple complications that are easily brought to light.

My last complication had to do with Harry hiring Bruno to watch over me like he's some sort of guardian angel, and the fact that he had this done in secret is even more confusing. But after Bruno mentioned the situation of a paid stalker done by none other than Beverly, I guess it all had to be done. In fact, a few days after the initial reveal of the pictures, more of them came to light on popular websites and fan pages. Even shots of me running into Tom Hiddleston appeared, but surprisingly, none of them showed my face. I wondered if maybe it was her way of warning me. Of what? I'm not sure, but I know that the safest thing for me would be to ignore her.

The Uber I'm in finally pulls to a soft halt. As a nice gesture, I had lent my car to Natasha since her car had been acting up again. She told me before I left the house that she wanted to talk to me about something important, though I already knew what that meant without having to guess.

A strong gust of wind helps push the door open as I thank my driver. I quickly unfasten my umbrella to shield myself from the heavy rain as it pours over the city. The weight on my chest becomes heavier as I make my way toward the entrance of the apartment building, avoiding the eyes of the always friendly doormen.

I shake the wet rain off my umbrella and head towards the front desk. Thankfully, the man that escorted me to the alternate entrance awhile ago recognized my face, so it didn't take much effort to convince him that Harry already knew I was here to see him. He gave the blank white key card with a warm smile on his face, wishing me a good night. For my sake, I hope it was going to be a good night.