A Lady For Him

5. Twilight

You cannot, in human experience, rush into the light. You have to go through the twilight into the broadening day before noon comes and the full sun is upon the landscape. -Woodrow Wilson

It has been a week. A week of relentless work to pack everything up and say goodbye to all the children. Goodbye to the only home she has known.

Hannah always lived in a fear that one day everything will be lost to her. Her name and her mother's sins will drive her to the streets. The doomsday she knew will one day come and rob her of any stability or dignity she still managed to salvage. The day she won't have anything while claws of her mother's world will try and drag her to hell. And she decided the day when it comes she will end her life happily rather than sell her body and be branded as a whore like her mother.

Her iron steel resolve to leave this world was rusted over the course of her life. She was always aware she was more different than everyone else in her home. It was a long time before she realized it was not her home and the Browns were not her parents. When children of various ages came to the orphanage and talked about their mama and papa, she was saddened that she never knew about her own blood. And when small babies were left on their doorsteps because their parents didn't want them she believed she was one of them. But as she grew up and people came and picked everyone else but her, it broke everything in her.

She demanded Mrs Browns whom she used to call Mama to tell her what was wrong with her. Was she ugly or repulsive? Was she not a good child? Mrs Brown always told her she was special and a gift of God and she will one day have the best family in the entire world, till then she will always have a home with them. She knew Mrs Brown was pacifying her and keeping her hopes from diminishing and she believed the lie knowingly until that terrifying day when she found out who she was and wished she didn't.

She was merely 15 years old and now working with Brown's family to take care of the children. She was happy with her makeshift family she still called Mrs Brown mama when no one else was present. Her conversation with Mr Brown was very limited and to the point. She was playing with the children when she heard the commotion from the door. Shouting and yelling that she didn't understand. Mr Brown's voice tells the people he will not let anyone take her. She was confused about who the people had come for. She rounded all the children and took them to the basement where they used to store the food as the voices kept getting louder.

She stayed inside for a long time her heart full of fear but the strong resolve of protecting the children.  She would not let any of those men touch even a single child. After a long time, she heard a knock at the door and Mrs Brown's voice asking if she was in there along with the children. After feeding all the children and putting them to sleep while watching Mr and Mrs Brown's upset and pale faces while they looked at everything except her.

Instead of going to sleep, she went to Mr Brown's office when she heard the voices of Mr and Mrs Brown their conversation muffled by the door. She knocked and entered the office after Mrs Brown opened the door for her. The pity and guilt swirled in their eyes.

"Hannah," Mrs Brown exclaimed, "Is everything alright, child? Why aren't you asleep?"

"Is it me?" She whispered looking expectantly at the couple.

"She needs to know the truth," Mr Brown said to his wife.

"No," Mrs Brown said stifling a sob, "She doesn't deserve this. She is innocent."

"I know," Mr Brown continued, "But she needs to know for her own safety."

Hannah waited patiently for the couple to gain the courage to tell her. She was afraid of what she might hear but didn't know she would be disgusted by her very being.

Brown's told her about her mother and who she was. And how her mother left her at their doorsteps a baby only 2 days old and her name which within a year was painted over all the newspapers in entire Britain. A name on which everyone spits after uttering it. A name she forever will carry.

She was thankful for Brown's calling her Hannah which let her pretend she is not a prostitute's daughter inside these 4 walls. As long as she was inside the orphanage she was just another ordinary woman but now it was lost to her too. And the vultures waiting outside would pounce on her as soon as she takes a step out.

There have been too many children coming and going out of the orphanage and some of them lost their lives in the orphanage some they couldn't help at all. She always felt her heartbreaking But with Evan, something inside her died with him. It felt like he was her own. And she will never have one, she will never be a mother, a wife or anything.

Browns were remorseful they couldn't help her anymore but they have done so much for her even when it created nothing but problems. And the remorse in their eyes hurt her.

Browns were the only ones that cared for her. Mrs Brown went as far as to ask Duchess for her employment. She wasn't happy about it but filled with so much gratitude. But she knew she was on her own. No sane person knowing who she was would ever give her decent employment.

The world was a cruel place if they were hell-bent on selling a 15 yr old to a brothel for her parent's sin. She soon realized that will be the only place that will open her door to her if she ever finds herself in such a predicament. A threshold she never wished to pass. It was kind of Duchess to refuse Mrs Brown politely. Even if Mrs Brown was hopeful the Duchess will accept her proposal Hannah wasn't. She knew she didn't have a way anymore.

She would have gone somewhere else changed her name assumed a new identity. But she looked exactly like her mother with the most unique set of eyes and most enriching blonde curls she would attract unwanted attention to her. And everyone would soon find out. She had stayed all her life here and she wasn't going away and finding out the monsters away from her home were way worse than the devil at her doorstep. And the people will hunt her down to every corner of this world. She felt safer here. It was her battleground. She couldn't win but she can hold herself.

The Duke's carriage stopped in front of the entrance of the orphanage, Lady Raymond was here to visit the Browns and children before they leave for London. Raymond's always donated generously to the orphanage over the years but Brown didn't have the strength to run the orphanage anymore even if Raymond's paid for everything.

"Miss Hannah, is it?" Lady Ida asked after chatting with all the children.

"Yes, my lady," Hannah was stoic despite being nervous. Mrs Brown's words gave birth to that irrational hope in her that the Duchess might accept her at her estate.

"Do you know my daughter, Lady Caroline?" Lady Ida asked.

"I know her, milady," Hannah said, "But I have never met her, milady"

"I believe she will be getting engaged soon," Lady Ida said with a smile," I would like someone to run errands for me for all that entails the unifying of two families from engagement to wedding and much more. Would you like to work for me?"

"Yes," Hannah said even before her brain processed what Lady Raymond asked for. She only understood work. She was too desperate to care at that moment. Her entire being was relieved at the prospect of delaying her inevitable doom.

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