A Lady For Him

13. Hate and Love

"Hatred paralyzes life; love releases it. Hatred confuses life; love harmonizes it. Hatred darkens life; love illuminates it." ― Martin Luther King, Jr.

Hannah couldn't believe her luck. She was to stay put in London and tend to Lady Caroline while Caro was presented to London society with Oliver, a subtle sign that the Kentshire found the future Duchess of Kentshire.

She was dejected, Oliver left for the Royal Palace and she couldn't see him before she left for Raymond but now Lady Raymond ordered her to wait on Lady Caroline in Kentshire manor. She was irritated with the Kentshires and Raymond's, they kept forgetting other people's stations and their past.

She was currently in Kentshire manor waiting in her quarter for the party to arrive. She hasn't seen Oliver in the last 3 days, she didn't know if he was in the manor or still in the palace. In his estate, she used to keep herself busy helping Mrs. Morrinson but in Kentshire Manor there was nothing for her to do. The help here abundant and better at what they did, her helping appearing to be meddlesome in their task.

Sitting idly her thoughts kept running wildly in every direction ending on only one person. His smiling face and laugh, his caring and calm nature haunting her every moment. No one ever was so caring toward her and now she wanted it forever after having the taste of it.

She was happy and grateful that she got to meet the Browns and the children but the way she looked at him changed drastically. He was more kind and empathetic now. She has gotten so used to his presence his absence was not letting her have a moment of peace.

The guilt dripped in her heart drop by drop when she attended lady Caro. She was the usual same happy woman who was still trying to befriend her and she felt ashamed she was harboring the forbidden feelings for the lady's fiance.

She needed to stay away from everything, even the mention of his name so that this madness could stop. The fortnight passed without a glimpse of him only whispers about the couple in the corridor, everyone looking forward to Kentshire announcement of the engagement. Every day she used to help Lady Caro do her best to look fitting for the Kentshire.

It should have helped her get over her silly crush but her feelings seem to have been only intensified over the period of time. The parliament session was taking a two-week break for Christmas and everyone was on the way back to Raymond's for celebrating Christmas together hopeful of Lord Oliver asking Lady Caroline for marriage on Christmas eve. 

She was the last one to leave after wrapping up all her remaining chores in London, she would be traveling by Raymond's carriage back to the estate never to come back to London again. She will have a day of respite away from everything that reminded her of Oliver. She was looking forward to a clear head and a day of peace.

She closed her eyes and leaned back relaxing waiting for the driver to start on their journey. The door to her carriage opened and she saw Oliver situating himself in front of her. He noticed her and his face morphed to shocked one the same emotion being reflecting on her face too.

Hannah drank in the sight of him, her heart fluttering, the heaviness in her stomach popping its face up. He was looking ruggedly handsome in the light reflecting through the window. His black eyes darker tempting her to get lost in his darkness.

"Hannan," He said breathlessly.

She was tongue-tied, her name rolling off his mouth like smooth velvet.

"My Lord, should we be on our way?" The driver spoke bringing them out of the spell.

Oliver nodded his eyes never leaving hers.

"Milord," She said her voice weak.

He sat up straight in his seat, the surprise from his face disappearing and the cold mask taking its place. Something was wrong, Hannah could feel it in her gut. He was the same but different in some way.

"I am sorry to intrude, Miss Hannah," He said coldly, "I was caught up in the palace and didn't want others to wait for me. I didn't know you were the one traveling back by Raymond's carriage, I will arrange for another carriage for myself. Good day."

He knocked on the carriage signaling it to stop. Hannah was sitting frozen still recovering from the wave of emotion that hit her. After a fortnight she was beginning to think he was not real, it was helping her suppress her feelings for him and now that he was standing so near her made-up defenses were crumbling.

He got out of the carriage leaving her stunned. She sat like a statue for a long time and then she heard voices outside, she didn't understand what they were saying but one distinct voice among them was getting nearer and her heart started to beat faster.

Oliver sat back inside the carriage stiff as a board, his jaw clenched as if he was controlling himself. He knocked reluctantly signaling the driver to proceed.

"I am afraid we will have to bear each other's company till we reach Raymond's estate," He said.

The tension between them was palpable. His stance suggested he was quite a bit upset and she didn't want to rankle him any further. The awkward silence was getting difficult to bear. She never thought he will be able to sit silently for so long. Anything was better than this silence, she missed when she used to blatantly fought with him, even his reprehension sounded better than sitting in his scrutiny.

"I thought everyone was supposed to leave in the morning itself, milord," She said breaking the silence.

His sharp eyes fell on her, his usual black eyes filled with anger.

"If you are accusing me of purposely sabotaging your ride then you are mistaken," He said brusquely.

"I am not accusing you of anything," She said her temper rising, "It is simply unusual that you are not traveling with your family."

"Why do you even care?" He said matching her temper.

"Because I was supposed to be traveling alone with peace and quiet," She yelled angrily.

"I wasn't the one who started this altercation," He stated equally angry, "I was sitting quietly minding my own business. I didn't do anything to provoke you this time."

"Your mere presence is provoking," She blurted without thinking.

The flash of hurt passed his face the anger on his face was soon replaced with a stoic facade but his eyes still showed the hurt he felt by her words. She sat back contemplating if the silence was much better before.

"I apologize, I didn't know my presence was so revolting for you," He said his jaw clenched looking the other way.

It broke her heart to hear him say that when the reality was exactly the opposite. She never craved anyone else's presence like his and she knew she could never find someone like him ever again.

They sat in the most torturous silence, the need to jump out of the carriage potent in both of them. They were confined in the small space of carriage their hearts tugging them towards each other while their brain fought to be far away from the other.

The dusk fell, they would reach the Raymond's by nightfall. Oliver ordered to halt the carriage at the next tavern for respite. He went ahead, the servants lining to serve him. He ordered tea and build the strength for the journey onward. His anger was completely gone but the hurt that arose from hated by her was unsettling him in a worse way.

He didn't loiter more than necessary, he ordered his carriage to be bought forward to continue with his journey. The sun was setting, the orange hue painted on the sky above illuminating everything on the earth painting a beautiful picture. And then he saw her, illuminated by the last rays of the sun, and lost his heart.

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