It's You: Book Two

Chapter Twenty Six

I waited for about an hour, and then I gave the kids a bath and put them to bed, and then I shut myself in our bedroom and started crying for a minute, and then I forced myself to stop because I don't deserve to be sad when it's my fault. I laid down on my back to stare at the ceiling, and I've been here for about an hour.

Aiden and Billy were best friends from age seven until Aiden left for the Navy. When he came back, according to Aiden, Billy was a party animal and wasn't able to act like an adult for five seconds, so after constant emails and phone calls back and forth, they just drifted apart. Aiden invited him to the wedding and he did show up.

I just never told Aiden about Billy.

I should have told him.

It's well after nine now, and he's been gone for about three hours. I'm starting to get worried, but I don't want to bother him because he needs space.

He deserves space.

I wish he would come home. I just want to talk to him.

I wonder if Aiden called Billy.

I've never seen him so angry at me before over anything.

Last time I got angry at him like that was when he didn't tell me about Dalia.

What if he reacts the same way? What if he leaves?

I should have told him about Billy. Why the hell didn't I tell him? I knew he would get upset, but I waited until we were married with two kids, and I only told him because I was pressured into it.

I put my hands over my face and being taking slow deep breaths, attempting to calm myself down.

"I want details."

I jump, sitting up quickly.

Aiden is standing a few feet in front of me with his arms folded across his chest. He looks angry and hurt.

"Aiden," I start softly.

"I want details." He repeats. "When did it happen? Where? Was he good? Did you guys date? How many times did you have sex?"

"It happened June sixth when I was sixteen."

"June sixth?" he repeats.

"Yes."

"That's the day after I got deployed to Libya."

"I know."

He takes a deep breath, looking up at the ceiling.

"Keep going." He urges.

"Okay. Um, that morning Ali came over. She told me you got deployed. It was only a year after you had left. I was still very, very much in love with you. Ali knew that. I was trying my best to move on, but I couldn't. I was having a really hard time. I was really depressed, and, and I know none of these are valid excuses, but they're the truth. At that point, I hadn't kissed anybody but you. I didn't want to be with anybody but you. I spent the day in bed crying, and eventually Ali convinced me to go to this college party. I agreed because I just didn't want to think about you, about how scared I was. I thought you were going to die. I was terrified, and I didn't want to think. You knew me, Aiden. You know I didn't drink back then, but we got to the party and people started handing me drinks. I accepted them. About a half hour in, I was completely trashed. I saw Billy. I walked up to him. I asked him if he heard about you. He said yes, that Ali had told him. We started talking about you. Billy said I looked pretty, and then he kissed me."

Aiden clenches his fists and then shoves them in his pockets.

"Keep going."

"Aiden-"

"Keep going." He repeats.

"Okay. Um, he grabbed my hand and took me upstairs to the bathroom. We were making out. He pulled his-it out. I started freaking out, but I was drunk, and he convinced me it was alright, that he would be quick. I let him do it. He didn't even take my dress off. He lasted like, twenty seconds, I think. I don't know. And then he left me in the bathroom."

"He left you in the bathroom?" Aiden repeats.

"Yes."

"You were a virgin and he only lasted twenty seconds? Did he know you were a virgin?"

"Yes." I sigh. "I told him after he pulled it out."

"Was he slow?" Aiden asks.

"Slow?" I repeat.

"With you? You told him you were a virgin. It hurt, right?"

"Well yeah."

"So he just went in and didn't even go slow?"

"No, he just did it." I shrug.

"What happened after he left the bathroom?"

"I started crying. It made it worse. I made me miss you worse. I knew I had messed up, I missed you. I knew you would have known what to do, because he didn't use a condom. I was terrified, Aiden. I was disgusted with myself. I remember crying in there so hard that I threw up, but I thought it was because the alcohol. The music was loud and I was sobbing. Ali found me then, I told her what happened, and then we went to your parents house and she stole a hundred bucks from your Dad's wallet. We got plan B, I took it, and we never talked about it again. I never heard from or saw Billy again."

There's a long pause between us, and by now I'm just crying as I remember that night, and now that I have him standing in front of me, it only makes me feel worse about myself.

"Aiden, I'm so sorry." I whisper softly. "I know what I did is unforgivable. I know that I didn't tell you. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

"You were sixteen, he was nineteen. You were drunk. He knew you were upset about me. You told him no when he took his penis out, and then he convinced you, a drunk sixteen year old girl, that it was okay, even after you told him you were a virgin. He went right for it, didn't go gentle at all, and then left you in the bathroom at a college party. On top of that, He didn't use a condom! What is up with you picking terrible men?"

I drop my head in my hands, tangling my fingers in my hair.

"Every part of my life that you aren't in, is completely messed up and nothing like me. Y-you are literally the other half of me. I'm not myself without you. I know it sounds insane." I look at him. "But it's the truth. I love you. I still regret that night, and I need you to know how sorry I am. I should have told you. I don't know why I didn't."

"I forgive you." He says. "It's just that the thought of you with anybody else just makes me really blindly angry, especially if it's somebody I know. Even thinking about you going on a vacation with Gavin and spending the whole time having sex with him makes me mad. It makes me feel uncomfortable and cheated on, even though you didn't. It's just that...you're mine. I guess I'm territorial."

"I don't mind territorial." I mumble, smiling a little. "I am too."

"Good." He smiles and bends down to hug me, lifting my body off the bed so I'm standing in front of him all wrapped up in his arms. "I forgive you, Lex. I'm sorry I got so angry."

"You don't have to apologize." I murmur. "I love you."

"I love you too."