Sebastian Bear (complete)

THREE

Three

Madeline had the same dream that had been plaguing her for weeks. She was clawing her way up an icy green hill, her fingernails digging into the cold ground. He was there, the faceless guy from all the nights before, his hand reaching down to grab hers. The shards of frozen rain sliced into her cheeks. She could feel the warm red blood dripping from her cuts. She was being chased, a monster made of darkness slithering up and nipping at her ankles. "Madsy!" The stranger from the top screamed over the storm. His oddly familiar voice woke her and seemed to echo in her skull.

Madeline sat up in bed, out of breath, tangled in her sweaty sheets. She felt the tears streaming down her face. She had been crying. The dream was tormenting her every night. If not the blades from Monument Hill, it was other equally terrifying sights that sought to end her life. The situations might change but the shadow monster with its grabbing fingers and the relentless chase was a permanent fixture. She had wanted to call Nolan. He would just tell her it was nothing but her subconscious fears representing themselves as bouts of bad weather. Nolan Sinclair had never been one to dwell on something as trivial as dreams. 

Something stopped her from reaching for her phone. The kiss, his expression beat against her mental view. She had humiliated herself and she couldn't blame the alcohol. He would know that, even if she tried. No. She couldn't call Nolan.

She wiped at her face furiously. Slinging the old quilt from off her legs she left the quiet dark of her room. She needed to get some air. Downstairs and to the left, in the living room where the television pulsed with blue light sat her cousin Ethan. Ethan was five and a half, he would tell you through a gap in his smile. He was a pale boy, peppered with freckles and a set of impossibly small frames to help him see.

"What are you doing awake, little dude?" Madeline plopped down on the sofa beside him. He shrugged, tiny fingers clutching the remote. Madeline took that as an answer. She relaxed into the plushness, watching the dancing cartoons spin around the screen.

"I had a bad dream." She told her nephew. Ethan looked over at her, bright blue eyes magnified under his corrective lenses.

"What happened?" He asked.

"I was on this huge hill. I call it Monument hill." She told him smiling. It made it less scary that way. She had felt silly for being so frightened. It had all felt so real then. It always did when her eyes were shut and her mind far from her bed.

"Why?" His words came out in a whispered lisp.

"There's this huge statue at the top of it." Madeline moved her hands to explain. "It's big and white and cold when you touch it." She paused. "It's of this strong man holding a world on his shoulders while pushing another world to his feet." She paused. She had spent the beginning of her dream staring up at the monument, wondering who the powerful figure was but never finding out, in all her times visiting the frightening storm.

"Who is he?" Ethan asked. Madeline smiled, reaching over and tousling his curly blonde locks. She didn't know, even if her subconscious had made it up in the first place.

"Oh, I don't know who he is." Madeline sighed. "But it rains and its ice cold. I start to slip and it scares me."

Ethan nodded, lip jutting out in a thoughtful pout. He looked down at his lap, fingers still clenched around the remote controller. Madeline realized his pajama bottoms didn't match his top.

"I peed my bed again," Ethan whispered. She could see tears playing at the edge of his baby blues. He was embarrassed. She heard the washing machine going. He must be washing away the evidence before he had to see the sweet sadness in his mama's face. She imagined him using the step stool he used to reach the sink to reach the washer knobs. It broke her heart.

"It happens." Madeline shrugged. "You will grow out of it one day, little dude." She focused on the television, not wanting to embarrass him further with her probing stares.

"I don't want Mama to know."

"It's okay," Madeline assured him. "I promise not to tell."

And then there was silence. Madeline watched the cartoons with her little cousin until his head slumped to the side and he fell asleep once more. She would remake his bed before her Aunt Maggie woke up. She would take a shower and pretend she had a full nights rest.

Just before the sun came up Madeline carried Ethan to his room and tucked him in. She placed his tiny glasses on his side table, next to a plastic dinosaur and a worn copy of his favorite comic book.

Back in her room, she dug through her blankets for her forgotten phone. There were a few texts from Nolan sent just moments after she'd barricaded herself in her bedroom. She caught sight of herself in her vanity mirror. She looked terrible. Her hair was frizzy, the earlier hairdo left in wavy shambles. Her eye makeup was dark and pooling under her lashes. She thought it funny that Ethan hadn't mentioned her raccoon eyes.

Nolan: Hey call me.

Ten minutes later.

Nolan: Please don't ignore me like this. I know you're awake.

But she wasn't. She had fallen asleep almost instantly, the beer helping with her constant insomnia.

Two hours after the second text he had sent her one more.

Nolan: I'll be over tomorrow to talk to you.

Oh, she was in it now. Madeline groaned. Her chest ached. Could someone die from embarrassment? She was sure she would have some sort of heart attack within the next few hours. She wrote a few texts out

Madeline: I'm sorry about ... No.

Madeline: I was drunk ... That was no excuse.

Madeline: I can never see you again on account of humiliation... The most accurate yet not good enough.

But she never sent any of them. She took a shower and lay in bed until she heard Maggie and Ethan leave for work in the morning. Only then did she leave the sanctity of her room, filling her favorite mug full of weak coffee and flavored creamer. It was nine when Nolan knocked on her front door. She considered ignoring it but knowing him well enough to know he would let himself in eventually she answered it.

He was cute. Even in her humiliation, Madeline appreciated his looks. He wore his favorite button-down, most likely on his way to breakfast with his grandma, a weekly tradition that had been going on as long as Madeline had known him. His hair was still in his its messy glory, brown curls pushed back by the usual trendy shades. He was a nice guy.

"How are you feeling?" Madeline had joined him on the front porch, not feeling up to bringing him in the living room. "I'm fine." She lied. Her pink cheeks said otherwise, not that he would mention that.

"Look about last night." He was jumping right in then. Madeline's eyes doubled their size. She had expected to be eased into the uncomfortable conversation. Nolan was usually pretty good at about candy coating things for her.

"I'm sorry." Madeline interrupted him, hand moving up to stop any more harmful words from tumbling from his mouth. "I just reacted and I shouldn't have."

"Reacted?" Nolan wasn't going to let it go. She gnawed at her lip furiously.

"Yeah I was a little drunk and I'm just worried about you leaving for school and I guess I just flipped out and it seemed like the thing to do but it clearly wasn't." She didn't know if that would be enough for him. "It's cool. We're cool. Just drop it please." She was begging without begging. Do this for me, she pleaded inwardly.

"Okay." Nolan nodded. He didn't want to go on and on about it either. The truth of the matter was he didn't look at her that way and as much as it hurt to know that, it was even more painful to have him look at her with pity in his eyes. She tried to make a joke about the situation but it came out forced and pitiful.

"You riding with me to graduation?" He was inching his way down the porch steps. She was grateful for his plans. She nodded, forcing a smile. "I'll pick you up then." And he was gone.