Sebastian Bear (complete)

FOUR

FOUR

Madeline Hunter was reading her psychologists certificates on the wall. She was well educated, a Harvard graduate. If anyone could help her it was Dr. Hershel. Sure, ten years and still the angry sort of loneliness made itself known in her chest, but that was just how it was. Madeline was screwed up beyond total repair but she could get some relief through talk therapy. 

Sure. Sure. 

Madeline jumped when she heard the good doctor clearing her throat across the room.

"Hope you weren't waiting too long." Dr. Hershel was always early, today Madeline had been earlier. The middle-aged woman set her briefcase down on her mahogany desk. Madeline shook her head. "How are you doing today?" Hershel unpacked her case, a hefty stack of files appeared from its innards.

"I kissed Nolan." She had to tell someone. She had been keeping the unpleasant memory all to herself for the past week. Hershel paused, eyes wide, brows up high. "Really" she seemed genuinely surprised.

"Yep, lapse in judgment." Madeline plopped down in her usual seat. "I was inebriated. I'm going to go ahead and admit that to you. Underage drinking aside, it was the biggest regret of my life." She pinched her knees together, focusing on the action and not the doctors face.

Dr. Hershel sat down in her chair, notebook resting on her crossed legs. "Didn't like what he had to say?"

Madeline laughed bitterly. "I knew what he was going to say and I did it anyway." Madeline sighed. "I am not glad I did it. It's weird now. He's barely talking to me. Every time he looks at me, he just looks so... sorry." Madeline made a face. She felt sick to her stomach. "I'm completely humiliated not to mention the cold hard rejection is doing wonders for my self-esteem."

"I'm sure he will get over it."

"Well, I won't." Madeline didn't mean to raise her voice but she had. Hershel looked apologetic at her young patient, letting her pen stop its incessant scribbling.

"You will. And even if I don't approve of the means in which you confronted your feelings, it's amazing that you did." She shrugged. "I know it's hard but we have all dealt with rejection. It's part of life." She smiled.

"Right," Madeline couldn't help but roll her eyes. "I'm just so embarrassed. I like... just threw myself at him and he pushed me away all gallant like, no drunk girl no, you are drunk and I am not interested." Madeline mocked Nolan's reaction exaggeratedly "Then he insisted we talk about it, but what is there to talk about? If he doesn't care for me that way then there's nothing to say..."

Dr. Hershel let her finish.

"Are you still having those dreams?" Change of subject. Madeline didn't fight her decision. She told her she was, that they were even more vivid than just a week before. She told her about the sweats and the shaking. "They are probably worse. I was able to fall asleep quite easy with the beer though." Madeline joked. Madeline rarely broke the rules. She hadn't really had the rebellious phase most of her peers went through.

"As happy as I am that you were able to sleep... let's not self-medicate with alcohol." She smiled.

"Yeah, I know." Madeline yawned. Though she had fallen asleep quite easy it hadn't stopped the nightmares which seemed to be the real issue. She wished she had more time in the day just to grab a nap.

"So I did find the old file of yours where you were having the dreams." Dr. Hershel was moving back toward her desk, grabbing a worn file with Madeline's name scribbled across the tab. She shivered at the memories, sloppy and sliding down her skull. She could see the yellow butterfly wing peeking out the top of its manila edge. She wasn't sure if she wanted to go back there.