Sebastian Bear (complete)

TWENTY-THREE

TWENTY-THREE

Of course, he wanted to know. She could tell him every gory detail. She could've told him about the drinking and the looks and the longing she'd felt waiting for Nolan to love her. It wasn't only that night. That night had been the cherry on top of a huge cake made up of pathetic desperate thoughts and hopes that she had been so ashamed of hoping in the first place. She gripped hard at the steering wheel. Whatever. It didn't matter. She sighed, shaking her head before even considering opening her mouth. It always felt like a mistake talking about Nolan to Sebastian Bear.

"Remember the party I told you about where I met Blake?"

"The weird guy?" Sebastian asked. He had angled his body toward her, giving her his devout attention. She kept her eyes on the road, not risking a glance in his direction.

"Well, I had drunk a little bit that night. I was feeling a lot of stuff," Madeline cringed. She had recalled the sadness that filled her chest as she asked Nolan whether or not he ever really saw her. She shifted her jaw. The whole conversation was making her uneasy.

"Yeah, and what happened?"

"I kissed Nolan in his jeep when he was dropping me off," she mumbled. When Sebastian didn't say anything she felt the need to go on. "I was emotional and we were about to graduate and he was going to leave for school and I just kept thinking about how he didn't really look at me the way he looked at all those other girls. I just had a moment where it was like do it now or never and I did it and he pushed me away and I mean, I totally get it," she rambled.

 Her fingers were white against the wheel. She stopped at a light, her eyes still straight ahead. "I was buzzed. I had a couple of beers and I'm not used to drinking anything so it kinda made everything seem less of a bad idea and he was not into it I guess. I mean I know he wasn't. He pretty much told me that."

Sebastian stayed quiet.

"I wanted to see what would happen. I was so humiliated and I couldn't take it back and even though he dropped it I knew he didn't buy the excuse that it was completely an alcohol-induced decision. He just..."

"What?" Sebastian's tone was soft. Madeline couldn't read it completely but she went on. It felt surprisingly therapeutic to spill her guts about the kiss. She had told Hershel a rough sketch of the moment leading up to it but it was different with Sebastian.

"He looked at me like I was some loser that he felt bad for." She winced at her description. It was true. Nolan had looked at her with pity in his eyes. She had rather him act disgusted honestly. Then at least she would've been able to snap back to reality. No, all she had was that soft sad look that just screamed pathetic.

"Madsy..." 

"You've probably never even been rejected," Madeline sighed.

"Why do you think that?"

"Because you're beautiful," Madeline laughed at his ignorance. "You are seriously the best-looking person... no, you are the best looking being I have ever seen in my life. No one in their right mind would reject you."

"Madsy," Sebastian laughed at her honesty.

"What?" She sighed, waiting for the next round of embarrassing questions.

"You reject me on the daily," Sebastian explained.

"Doesn't count," Madeline rolled her eyes. When Sebastian asked her why she responded with a snarky snort and explained with a short "Rejection for self-preservation is hardly the same as a rejection for lack of interest. Try again."