The Man I Know I'm Not [Frerard] (Sequel To Tell Me I'm A Bad Man)

Twenty - It's Not Your Disappointed Sigh

The door slammed shut behind me, making me jump, and I heard Mikey call Gerard's name. It only made me worse, and I kicked off my shoes before shuffling into the front room.

I'd spent several hours wandering around, trying to clear my head, and as the hours went by, I found myself getting more and more depressed, until I was just done. The phone call hadn't helped; I was just getting more upset. So I'd ended up back at Mikey's, not sure where my despair would leave me.

I flopped onto the couch beside Mikey Way, who looked nothing short of perplexed. He was no longer my old music teacher; he was the unfortunate brother of my boyfriend. He blinked, lifting his reading glasses from his face and resting them on top of his head. He was still in his suit from the funeral, though the jacket was draped over the back of the chair.

"Are...are you okay?" He asked, and I buried my face in my hands, shaking my head. "What's happened?"

I made an attempt to organise my thoughts into some sort of order, trying to work out what to actually say to him. "I kissed another guy." was what I said first, and I wanted to punch myself in the face. That was not what I wanted to say.

"Wait, what?"

I groaned into my hands. "It wasn't supposed to happen - Gerard and I had a fight, and I went to see an old friend, and...we ended up kissing."

"So that wasn't what you were arguing about?" I shook my head. "Jesus." He whispered. "Does he know?"

"Fuck, no...I haven't spoken to him since he stormed off." I pushed the heels of my hands into my eyes, fighting tears. "This is so much worse than what we were arguing about, oh my God..."

"What were you arguing about?"

I swallowed heavily, lowering my hands and glancing at him. I couldn't read the expression on his face, didn't know whether he was angry with me or not, didn't know what he was thinking. My lips wouldn't form the words. I needed to tell him why but I just couldn't. And then -

"Gerard was drinking."

The color drained from his face, and I could almost feel the dread sinking into his stomach. He screwed his eyes up, his thin fingers raking through his hair, and he swallowed heavily.

"Oh, shit." He said quietly. "Fuck. Why? Why would he do that?"

I shrugged. "Your guess as good as mine. I honestly have no idea."

"Shit. But he's, like, he's been sober for what, three years?"

"Something like that?"

He licked his lips, and then his head snapped to face me. "Was it Bert? I swear to God if it was Bert -"

"I don't know. I don't know if it was Bert or not, but...Gerard's perfectly capable of doing this all by himself."

At that moment, the front door opened, and Mikey leapt to his feet. I stayed sat on the couch, my mouth drying up, my hands beginning to sweat. The second Gerard appeared in the doorway, unkempt and looking half-asleep, Mikey stepped forward and punched him square in the face.

"Shit!" Gerard stumbled backwards, clutching his now-bloody nose. "What the fuck?!"

"You're an idiot!" Mikey yelled. "A fucking idiot! How could you do something so stupid?!"

He glared at me, blood dripping down to his chin. "You told him."

"Of course he fucking told me! I'm your brother! He's your boyfriend! As if a secret like that was going to be kept from me!"