S
I noticed a change in the man I fell in love with years ago, a subtle but big change in Ethan.
I was afraid of his silence, the way he crept around the house pretending like he didn't know how to act around me.
I never liked his silence and mysterious side to himself. It always made me anxious of what he truly thought, what he truly wanted to say or how he truly felt.
Lately we've been different. We eat breakfast together as a family, I take Alissa to school and go to work and Ethan tries to find a job.
So far he's been turned down from 17, but who's counting.
I felt like his criminal record was holding him back. He was too anxious to go out or do anything.
And the worst was, out of the three weeks he's been home... we haven't had sex once.
It's like we've been keeping eachother company, but not enjoying it or even realizing that it was there.
In some ways I missed our old relationship, but at the same time I didn't miss the fighting and the angry sex...
Scratch that, I missed the angry sex, I missed the screaming and pushing and crying, I missed the passion, the affection and the love. We were toxic for eachother but that's what made it so good.
I was willing so hard to try and make him happy and all he wanted was someone's arms to be wrapped in, even though he couldn't admit it.
Now we both just walked around the relationship like zombies and I missed the old Ethan.
It was almost like prison changed him. Usually prison did change people, especially after endless years of confinement.
- I was caught out of my thoughts by the front door slamming shut.
It was a Saturday afternoon and Alissa was at Grayson's house for a sleepover.
Grayson thought it would be good for Ethan and I to get some alone time, but in all honesty, even with time to ourselves. We spent it by ourselves.
The saddest part was that Ethan still hasn't visited his siblings or his mom. I could tell he was afraid, even though he never spoke about it.
"Hi baby! How was job hunting? Any luck?" I asked optimistic and he shook his head while sitting down next to me on the couch.
I looked over at him and smiled.
"It'll be okay, we'll be okay I promise. Once you get more used to your surroundings and you get comfortable here maybe you'll get more job interviews. I feel like bosses can smell fear and anxiety and once you get used to it her-" I started my sentence but was quickly interrupted by Ethan's fist slamming against the coffee table.
"STOP!" He shouted loudly as I stared in shock.
"I don't need to fucking settle in! I am settled in! Just because I was gone for a while doesn't mean anything has changed. So don't fucking tell me how to live my life" he spoke viciously as the words spit out of his mouth fast, like he had been holding it in for weeks.
For some reason him yelling at me brought me back to our old memories, ones filled with sex, drugs, alcohol and teenage love.
I looked into the same hazel shimmering eyes, that had darkened over time and felt my body go numb.
I wanted to grab his hair and pull him towards me as I left a trail of kisses down his neck but I couldn't work up the courage.
I stared into his eyes as his breath calmed down and he stared back- hopefully feeling the same.
Suddenly he grabbed my head and pulled it towards his, causing our lips bash together perfectly.
I felt him squirm as I drew circles on his shorts and I pulled away and smiled.
"Fuck me" I spoke softly as our eyes locked and he pulled me closer viciously.
