Is this possible!? |•|Tordtom|•|

Hickeys cure depression.

Tom's POV.

I woke up slowly, looking about the room. A few things were off, the corners too dark, the crib no longer at the foot of the bed. Speaking of which was too light for the shadow levels of the corner of the room. I could hear yelling but it sounded watery, distorted and distant. I went to listen closer, stumbling from the bed, my horrible luck causing me to get my foot caught in the tangled blankets. "Fuck" I cursed in what was scarcely a whisper. I crept to the door, opening it slightly.

"ITS ALL YOUR FAULT THAT HE LOST THE TWINS! YOU'RE A MONSTER AND I HATE YOU!" A distorted voice errupted from behind the door. I frowned. It sounded like Tord's but I hadn't lost the twins, I could feel them weighing awkwardly heavy against my organs. Another yell errupted, dragging me rudely from my mind.

"OH IT'S MY FAULT IS IT TORD?! WHO WAS IT WHO CAUSED HIM TO TRY AND TAKE HIS LIFE CAUSING THE MISCARRIAGE? OH YEAH YOU!" The second yell, that I guessed belonged to Edd ended with sobbing. What were they talking about? I am fine, the twins are fine? I haven't tried to do anything like suicide since my mother died. Sure the thoughts are there, getting louder in the middle of the night, in the sleepless hours just before the first rays of a new day broke the oily murk of a London night sky.

I broke through the door and looked down from the stairs. Edd was crying with Matt comforting him. Tord was stood there, he looked different somehow. Less like the man I loved and wanted to spend my life with, and more like how I saw him before, intimidating, dangerous, wild and pure fucking evil. I sat on the stairs, watching as Tord stormed in an angry rage and the other two men sat crying. I was reminded of being awoken by drunken arguments between my mother and father and later mother and stepfather. All of this was too similar to my childhood nightmares. I shuddered feeling the first sickly wet tears trace my face.

"GET OUT TORD! YOU'RE A DAMN MONSTER! I NEVER WANT TO SEE YOU HERE! YOU KILLED YOUR OWN CHILDREN! YOU ALMOST KILLED TOM! WE DON'T KNOW WHEN HE'S COMING HOME!" Matt of all people screamed at Tord. I was so confused, I was fine. Why are they fighting?

"FINE! I WILL GO! I never loved that eyeless freak anyway." Tord stormed from the house. I whimpered quietly, Tord's words stung at the very fibre of my being. I let out a pained scream.

I woke up, sweat and tears drenched my pillow. I looked over seeing Tord hugging me to his body, a line of drool attaching him to his pillow. As always he had most of the blanket creating some form of back support. I squirmed uncomfortably from his embrace, one that normally would lull me back into sleep, but not now. I could feel none of the warmth and affection coming from Tord. I looked back at him and one of the twins decided that right at this moment my ribs would make a wonderful punching bag. I let out a pained gasp and headed away from where the other man was sleeping and into the bathroom.

I clicked on the light, nearly being blinded by the offending white glow. Was this a good idea? No. Did I care? Also no. I looked about before locking the door and finding the blue glistening rasor. Dispite near constant use the blade glistened sliver. How would that silver look stained red? I looked at the tiled floor, a dirty white, how would blood look splattered along it? I wondered these dark thoughts, not even bothering to correct myself. I knew that I couldn't just try and go back to sleep and forget these musings. Sleep was dodging just out of reach yet tiredness coated my eyelids making them heavy.

I reached out with my left hand and looked at the near perfect silver of the blade and imagined it running red rivers of my life through the plains of my pale skin.

I lowered the blade to my arm feeling the sting and hot rush of blood as a new river was gouged into my flesh. No one had to know. No one needed to know. I opened up five new rivers in the soft flesh of my arm before washing the rasor and looking for my bandages. I washed and wrapped the arm before sitting in the bathtub and letting time pass.