After The Rain

Tropical Depression Jade

    Why am I feeling like this? This is supposed to be the happiest time of my life. Don't get me wrong. I love my daughter and my wife, however I'm starting to feel distant toward her. I never thought I would ever have this feeling towards her. She was my first love, my first everything. But lately, I'm feeling like the connection that we once shared, is fading away, and I hate that I have that feeling. It's like, I'd rather be at work, rather than being with my family. No, I'm not lusting over anyone; the only one who owns my anatomy is my wife. I just feel trapped, and that maybe I didn't think things through when I asked her to marry me.

      I enter into my living room after working all day to see Lina on the couch, feeding my female mini me. The sight before me, was enough to make my heart melt, but my expression was only for Jade, and not Lina. I blew invisible smoke in the air, then started walking to my bedroom. "Well, hello to you too," she called out to me. My mind was contemplating on whether I should answer her or not. I decided to ignore her and get ready for my shower. I know she must be feeling some type of way, cause she just threw some shade towards me just now. I shook it off and headed to the bathroom. When I walked in, my boxers, basketball shorts, and socks were already laid out on the sink. See, this is why I hate feeling this way. She does everything that a good wife is supposed to do. She cooks, clean, takes care of Jade, and she doesn't even badger me about it. We just got the go ahead to start back knockin boots, and she doesn't even complain about that. Since we've been cleared a week ago, she's been on it, literally. She's nothing like my sister, which should make me want her more. But, I don't get that with her the way I used to.

      I felt an extra pair of arms wrapped around me as the water flowed down my naked body. Any other time, I would've turned around and put her on my shoulders. But now, I just want to shower up, and chill with Jade. She felt her advances getting unnoticed, which caused her to just lather me up and just wash me up. I decided the least I can do is return the favor, to just show her I appreciate what she does for me. After I washed her, she immediately got out the shower and left out the bathroom. I know I hurt her, which I never wanna do, but I just wasn't feeling it.

    I stepped out the bathroom to see her sitting on the edge of the bed, eyes bloodshot. "Jeddie," she began. "Did I do anything wrong?"

   "You haven't done anything wrong, Lina," I replied. "It's me. It's all me."

    She looked up at me with those beautiful gray eyes, those eyes I fell in love with as a kid. She looked as if she was gonna start flooding again. "Am I not all you dreamed I would be? Is it because my body changed because of Jade?" Her eyes produced a single tear streaming down her face. "I don't look good to you anymore?"

    "Baby, you're all that and a bag of Flaming Hot Cheetos, plus a hot pickle and Coke," I said. "As a matter of fact, if I wasn't feeling so distant, I would show you how much more attractive you've become."

   "Don't spare me," she sobbed. "If I was really all those things, we would've still been in the shower." She got up from the bed, then started to leave out the door. I grabbed her by the arm, then pulled her close to me, and gave her a kiss. "Look, Lina. Just because I'm not feeling it like I used to, doesn't mean I don't love you. It's just that I feel closed in, between being a husband and father. I guess I really wasn't ready to get married." Why did I say that? Within seconds, the feel of her back hand collided with my face. "Then your stupid ass should've never asked me to marry you!" She looked at me, with those same gray stones, now filled with rage and hurt. She turned to leave, but I pulled her back. I made her feel my rage with my dilated pupils, now a seaweed shade, as I gripped her by her biceps and mimicked a bartender mixing a mix drink. "How many times do I have to say, you're beautiful?!" I yelled. She yelped a bit, fear entering her eyes, as if she feared for her life. She jerked away from my grip, then ran out the room. I ran after her, thinking she would be sitting in the living room, on the sofa cuddling our daughter. Instead, I found her sitting outside on the balcony bout to light up, forgetting the fact, she breastfeeds our daughter. I ran outside as fast as I could, and knocked the blunt out her hands before she can put it to her lips. I chose a few colorful words aiming at her poor choice of comfort. "What is wrong with you?! Did you forget that you nurse Jade?!"