Daylight (Kaylor)

5.

A/N - this is the last short chapter, next one will be emotional so prepare yourselves cause I cried.

A couple of months passed. One day was good, the other was bad. Things changed every day...too fast for us. 99 things changed for the worse and maybe one for better. It felt like a never ending circle.

Thanksgiving was also behind us. Mom and I went to Karlies house and my brother went with my father somewhere. We had fun...I was so nervous tho. I felt comfortable with Karlie but my anxiety was always there. I became too anxious to have a sleepover but I really wanted to sleepover at Karlies. She's my buddy, there is nothing to be nervous about. So I stayed.

After dinner my mom went home and we got ready for bed. We picked a few movies but I insisted on watching greys anatomy. That show was life...and sometimes I would relate to Meredith...she was depressed too. I spent the whole sophomore year just laying in bed and watching grey's over and over again. It was depressing but also kinda comforting.

We settled in bed and watched the show for hours. Me speaking along the lines I knew too well. Karlie was sweetly laughing at my obsession with the show. I could tell she liked it. Although she would always get bored and would never continue a show after a season or two.

She is the only person who doesn't get annoyed with my constant banter abot shows, movies, songs, writing...anything I'd talk about she'd genuinely listen. She is the only one who cared enough.

My mom on the other hand just wanted to talk about school or my other responsibilities I had to fulfill. She would openly tell me she wasn't interested in stuff I was talking about. She said she was interested in me, my life and my stories. If only I had life stories to tell her. She is a good mom, she just doesn't understand. She could never u understand and when I'm in right mind I know it's better like that. I don't want to burden her with a fight I could never won, and she could never play on my team because I don't even know what my team is. Its all mixed up.

The night I spent with Kar was nice. Neither of us could sleep. We watched the tv for hours and when we decided to turn it off and go to sleep we just found ourselves staring at the ceiling. I knew she wasn't asleep even though her eyes were closed.

"Are you awake??" I whispered in the dark.

"Mhm" she just mumbled.

"Buddy, I'm scared...I'm scared I'm gonna loose you. I mean I'm scared you're gonna die." I finally said what was on my mind for so long. She was so weak. Like a ghost of a sunshine she truly was. But I didn't want to admit that. Not to myself. Not to her. And I finally did.

"I know tay, I'm scared too, but not for me...I'm scared for you. I don't feel that bad and I think you don't either. But you're really unwell. I know we don't see that when we look at ourselves but we see it when we look at each other." She said..there was a long pause, thick silence. Then she continued "I still hope we will be okay"

I was on the verge of tears so I thought joke was appropriate just to cover my feelings "Maybe we'll die together". I tried to force a laugh but then I saw a lone tear rolling down her cheek in the darkness. I never saw her cry before. It broke my heart.

"Hey buddy, I'm sorry for saying that...although the darker side is a possibility...maybe we'll see daylight one day." She looked at me with sad eyes and said "maybe we'll be fine...and instead of dying together...maybe we'll live together in our perfect imaginary world"

Maybe.