1:11

「 epilogue 」

i have written and rewritten this letter far too many times. all my previous letters went to the trash because i told myself that if i ever completed this, i'd finally move on. but i haven't — no, i couldn't. i still love you and i think i can't ever stop loving you. that's the hard part of writing this.

it's been a month yet, here i am, still hung up on you. i loved you, lloyd. i still do, but i don't want to keep hurting myself. i don't want to keep my hopes up and believe that there's still this small chance that we'd get back together.

so, as a sign that i'm finally gonna start moving on, though, i'll never give this to you; lloyd garmadon, here's everything i didn't say and my apology for everything i didn't mean to say.

to start things off, i'd like to say thank you. you were my daydream away... well, are. i had you, and i loved you. you're a daydream away come true. i remember those days back then where i'd only get to see you in the hallways or in the cafeteria. i remember the yearning i was feeling. i wanted to walk up to you and be your friend. but with someone getting in the way, i knew that yearning had to be pushed aside.

but it happened. i could hardly believe it happened. you were my friend, then you became my boyfriend. like i said, a daydream away come true. i could hardly believe i could call you my friend, let alone, my boyfriend.

you were mine, and i... i was yours. all time low was right; i wouldn't know what to say if i had you.

i had you, i was happy. i could call you mine. that simple longing of finally having you in my life became true.

thank you, lloyd montgomery garmadon, for making my daydream away come true. i'd always be thankful you became a part of my life.

but, you're, once more, just a daydream away. i had you. you had me wrapped around your finger. we were in love. we were a spark that burned out too quick for our liking. we were like fireworks that went off too soon.

we were happy.

we were happy... and it just ended. we stopped being happy. i don't know what happened. i don't know who or what caused it. we just stopped being happy with each other.

we started fighting over nothing. i don't know whose fault it is. we just started picking fights over the littlest things. it was ridiculous. i don't even want to remember it because it just hurt too much. it hurts to remember that we were happy one day and we just started fighting each other the next.

maybe it was my fault? well, whatever.

whosever fault it was, i just want to say sorry.

i said some things i never meant to say that night in december. it still hurts me to think that i could ever say those to you. i didn't mean to. i was just hurt and tired and frustrated. you called that night just to fight.

you told me things that i'm hoping you never meant to say. i still feel guilty. i yelled at you; something i never thought i could ever do to you. but i did.

i yelled profanities and told you i wish we never met. oh, how i regret telling you that. then i told you we should just break up.

another regret of mine. but you agreed. you said you were tired of me. i hung up.

lloyd, i'm sorry. sorry for whatever happened to us. sorry for everything i said that i didn't mean to. i'm sorry if i ever did something that caused us to change. i have no other words than i'm sorry. if i could, i'd turn back everything.

i miss you, i'm so sorry.

and, i'm hoping you're sorry too. if you are, then i accept your apology. no questions asked. you are forgiven. i love you too much not to forgive you.