𝐷𝐸𝐿𝐼𝐶𝐴𝑇𝐸 | 𝙜𝙞𝙡𝙗𝙚𝙧𝙩 𝙗𝙡𝙮𝙩𝙝𝙚

| ᴄʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀ ᴏɴᴇ

{ ᴅʀᴇᴀᴍɪɴɢ }

| Lily |

It's been almost eight months since that night. Since I nearly froze to death, curled up in a ball on Gilbert's porch waiting for him to come home. Until Diana found me and everything changed. If only he had come home. I remember the cold vividly, and the long hours I spent sitting there, shivering after my throat could no longer yell for him. I kept on telling myself that maybe he was in town or doing extra work at school, or maybe he was looking for me, but deep down I knew that he was gone, I just couldn't admit it to myself. At least now I knew that he tried to say goodbye. If only he knew the truth. It's silly of me, but I've been writing to him, whenever I'm at my worst, whenever I would need him. Of course, I will never send the letters, I doubt he still cares about me anyway, which I can live with. I think.

"Lily," Anne speaks softly while entering my room. I don't acknowledge her, my thoughts lost and disheveled. Besides Gilbert, I can't help but ponder on the five years of my life, completely wasted. All for a lie.

"Lily, are you okay," she sits beside me on the bed, placing a gentle hand on my shoulder, "I'm really worried about you, all of us are." I chuckle lightly. They're always worried.

"I'm fine Anne," I tell her, trying to make it sound as truthful as possible. I stand up, making my way to the mirror, I feel hideous, I have my mother's features. "Wow, look at me," I slightly laugh, "throwing my life away for some boy."

"You wouldn't be this sad if you didn't love him," Anne quips, causing me to roll my eyes. It used to be just lighthearted teasing about Gilbert, but recently Anne has become quite obsessed with what she has deemed, "my tragical romance". I think it's ridiculous, but I can't stop her from dreaming.

"Why do you keep insisting on that?" I quip back, fixing my hair in the mirror.

"Because it's true," she whines, dragging out her words, she stands with me, leaning on my dresser, "and I think that if you admit it to yourself, then you can move on, for now." I'm taken slightly aback.

"For now?" I question, tying in my signature white ribbon.

"Until he comes back," she states nervously as if this was privileged information.

"He's not coming back, Anne."

"Yeah, you can keep telling yourself that," there's a wide grin on her face. Despite the constant talk of Gilbert, I am thankful for Anne, for a friend. "Now hurry up and get ready," she says while leaving, "we're going to the beach!"

ꕥ

I've never been to the beach. I've lived near one for all my sixteen years, but never once took a step onto the sand. I can remember begging my parents to let me go, just to feel the waves crash against my feet. But I was always too sick. Too fragile. At least now I don't have to be afraid as I watch Anne immediately run into the water. The sand between my toes is a new feeling, and I welcome it as I welcome the smell of saltwater while I sit with Marilla on the shore. We share a glance at each other, a glance of understanding. I hate to have been a burden on them, but I've gotten to know Marilla more. She knows what it's like to be left behind. I get up, making my way to the water and embrace the waves crashing softly against my ankles.

"Do you think he's out there?" Anne chirps up from beside me, warmly wrapped in a blanket.

"Of course he's out there Anne," I play along, "he's on a ship." I tease her, earning a frustrated glare.

"You are impossible," she shakes her head.

"One of my most redeeming qualities."

"I bet that he is on that ship right now, riddled with thoughts of his lost love, Lily Grant," she sighs dramatically. I fake yawn.

"You're a great writer Anne, but that by far is your worst piece," I jest looking down at my feet. She lets out a defeated sigh and walks back to Mathew and Marilla, leaving me standing alone, staring at the endless ocean.

Are you thinking about me Gilbert? You broke our promise the day of your father's funeral, but I understand why. I just wish that you knew the truth. You broke my heart because of a lie, and you have no idea. I wish I could tell you how much I miss you. I wish I could tell you how much of an impact you've had on my life. I wish I could tell you that I love you.

Wait what?!

I've been listening to Anne's theories too much. I do not love Gilbert Blythe.

ꕥ

| Gilbert |

No matter how much coal I shovel, feeding the steamboat that's taking me to Trinidad. No matter how many toilets I clean, and no matter how many days pass, I can't stop thinking about her. My body is covered in soot and my muscles are constantly aching, but none of the pain compares to the pain of missing her and the ache I feel at the thought of abandoning her. I didn't get to say goodbye. The worst part is that I can't stand the thought of going back, despite my longing to be with her again. I can't go back, I just can't. I know that I'll force myself to stay, and then I'll be stuck there, forever. At least I would be stuck with her.

My thoughts run in a never-ending cycle. I find myself trying to relive the first few weeks of school we had together. How happy I was on our walks home. The time we had together feels short now that I'm looking back on it. I try my hardest to remember my favorite parts; her smile and sarcastic nature, those moments we would have where everything would be silent, for just a few seconds, and how she was the only one I could turn to. At night my dreams reenact those precious weeks. I blush when thinking about the time I tried to kiss her, or when she pushed me away.

Friends, don't act like this Gilbert

She was completely right. And now, as I look out to the miles of the sea before me, she haunts me. Her soft pale face is ever-present in my thoughts. I chose shoveling coal over her.

ꕥ

| Lily |

Confusion riddles my mind as I struggle to find the strength to walk up the stairs. What's happening to me? A familiar feeling washes over me and I internally panic. The last thing I should be doing is worrying the Cuthberts. I'm fine.

I make it to my room, not remembering walking down the hallway. Finding my way to my bed I sit down in an attempt to get my bearings. My eyes follow the floor until they reach the mirror, where I notice the smallest bit of red liquid dripping out of my nose.

Oh no

ᴀᴜᴛʜᴏʀ's ɴᴏᴛᴇ

there's chapter one of season 2! if there is any confusion about the end, just know that Lily is experiencing symptoms from the alleged "sickness" she had. it's very confusing, but everything will sort itself out as the story develops. however, Lily is extremely confused about all of this, which will be important later on so stay tuned!

anyway, feel free to vote and comment, there's more to come.

thanks for reading

-ʟɪᴢ