Falling for Autumn | Jacob Black

Chapter 11 [edited]

October 31st, 2005

Dear Diary,

Almost two months have gone by since the night Sam Ulley found Bella in the woods, and the Cullens left town. Bella has slipped into a state of depression where she spends most of her time outside of school sitting in her room, facing the woods. The last place she saw him. At school, she sits at the Cullens' table, as if waiting for them to reappear in the cafeteria. For the first two weeks, I sat with Bella in silence, but my presence did nothing to soothe her broken heart. Eventually, I moved back to our usual table. Angela and the guys are worried about Bella as much as I am - Edward leaving her practically destroyed the light in her. I can't say if Jessica's worried; she seems to be pleased that the Cullens are gone. Angela and I came to the conclusion Jessica was jealous that Edward chose Bella as his girlfriend, even though she claims she's not.

I don't know how to help my best friend, and it kills me to see her like this - devoid of emotion during the day, while hurting and screaming at night. I can hear her from my house; it wakes me up and I rush over to help Charlie calm her back down. The dreamcatcher Jacob gave her for her birthday doesn't seem to be chasing away the nightmares.

Speaking of Jacob, I can't believe it's also been almost two months since the first time I hung out at his house. So much has happened between us; I confronted him about the conversation with Sam in his backyard when we got to the beach. He explained that Sam and his friends are next in line to take over the tribal council, when their parents and grandparents retire. Sam was trying to convince Jacob to take Billy's place when the time came, even though Jacob expressed he wasn't interested multiple times. Living up to the expectations of others wasn't his strong suit, Jacob had said jokingly. His eyes were pained, though, as if the pressure of following in his dad's footsteps was weighing him down. All I could do was hold his hand and give it a reassuring squeeze before he broke the somber mood by throwing me over his shoulder and rushing into the water, both of us laughing. Since then, we've been practically inseparable. Even his friends grew used to seeing us together - I think they're happy to see him with someone other than them.

Tonight is Halloween and I'm going over to La Push (no surprise there, right?) - Jacob invited me to the tribe's Halloween party. He asked a couple of weeks ago, and of course, I had to say yes - he had asked me right in the middle of the bakery and Mom overheard, practically speaking for me as she told Jacob I wouldn't miss it for the world. She thinks it will be good for me to go out and have fun; I think she's hoping something will happen between us. I have spent pretty much the last month hanging out with Jacob in La Push since we hung out in his garage. It's easy to be around him. Plus, she can see how stressed I am about Bella. How can I not be? I feel guilty for making friends with Jacob and his friends while she's going through this. Shouldn't I be there for her the most? This whole mess is complicated.

I have to get ready soon, Jacob and Billy will be here soon. Jacob thought it would be funny to go as Little Red Riding Hood and the Big, Bad Wolf. Billy agreed it would be hilarious to see Jacob dressed in a ridiculous wolf costume. And Mom can't wait to take photos of the two of us... maybe I should go hide her camera.

November 30th, 2005

Dear Diary,

Bella seems to be getting worse instead of better. Last Thursday was Thanksgiving, and she didn't come out of her room once. I took a plate to her and she barely glanced at it, let alone touch it. Charlie hosted Thanksgiving dinner at his house, even though it was kind of crammed, just because he couldn't bear the thought of leaving Bella alone, and honestly who could blame him? It was nice though, being surrounded by the people we care about.