WritingPromptQueen : Have you ever had an anxiety attack/depression/other?
Me: I fidget, have ticks, tear up, feel inclined to punch/stab something, and/or boil up inside. Time and time again I feel like yelling back for a change, but I know it's futile. I could be good and do good all day long, and yet they'll still find some little thing(s) to pick at, "You didn't get all your chores done" "You needed to do some extra work here" "You're supposed to be a role-modal to your little brothers/the people around you" "Why can't you be more like soandso?"... "WELL MOM AND DAD, WHY CAN'T YOU JUST EXCEPT THAT I AM NOT SOANDSO?!" "I NEVER ASKED TO BE A ROLE MODAL!" "I DID MY BEST!" "WHY CAN'T IT EVER BE GOOD ENOUGH!" "PLEASE, JUST SHUT UP!"... This often leads to me going into my room and silently saying everything I would say to them like a mad man, talking to myself, or debating on why I'm still here... All I need is a job and a few years and I'm out of here. What makes it worse is they are often the reason I don't get stuff done by doing things like "Planning a vacation or trip on a school day" "Picking my niece up from the bus stop and watching both her and my little brother from 3:45pm-around 5:00pm" or "This is more important than your schoolwork (Not really)"...
I may be lucky not to have anxiety attacks, but up in my head I am in a constant war, I'm going psycho with every loudly pronounced syllable, and I hurt, my head starts throbbing and I start to get angry with them, myself, and the rest of the world... it's one thing to push somebody to succeed, but it's another to be shoving them off the edge...
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Sorry for that little vent moment, maybe I needed I more than I thought...
