Not Enough | Namgi

Chapter 1

Yoongi POV

Gasping as my sore body hits the hardwood flooring, I let my eyes fall shut and my head fall back. I try to take a few deep breaths to slow my breathing, but I can feel everyone's gaze on me.

"Yoongi, what the hell is going on with you?" Hoseok questions with a sigh, sounding somewhat agitated at this point. I purse my lips at the question, feeling his words like bullets to my chest as I heave myself up off the floor, shaking my head.

"Sorry." I mutter quietly, not bothering to glance towards the younger but rather towards our instructor who's got his arms crossed over his chest at this point.

"Are you eating enough?" Mr. Song asks with a quirked eyebrow. I frown at the question, knowing where he's going with this as well as not liking the question itself.

"More than enough." I answer lowly, catching a small frown form on Namjoon's face. I ignore it though, ignore the fact that I'm lying to our instructor, lying to all of them. It's not important.

"And you're drinking enough water each day?" He asks next, earning a nod from myself.

"You're getting enough sleep each night? Similar amounts to the other boys, I would presume?"

Another nod.

"Then what the fuck is going on? You're in just as good a condition as the other six, yet you're struggling to get through everything and keep up as if you were a trainee again." Mr. Song challenges. I let my head fall at his comment, knowing I've been failing the boys for far longer than what he's only recently begun noticing.

"I'm sorry. I'll do better." I mumble quietly, not really knowing what else to say.

"Yoongi, you keep apologizing, but you never do anything to change! All you do is apologize and go back to doing the same shit you were doing before! We don't want apologies! We want improvement. Our comeback is only a few weeks away, and we can't perform if you can't get this shit down." Jin hyung finally bursts angrily. My eyes widen at his sudden shouts, head snapping in his direction with slack lips as I look at him in surprise. He's merely glaring at me though, clearly fed up with all of this.

Pursing my lips, I let my gaze and head both fall before nodding silently in response.

"Hyung, calm down. I think we're all just a little stressed right now because of the comeback. Shouting at Yoongi isn't going to make anything better though." Namjoon speaks up. I can feel the tears forming at his attempt to stand up for me, shaking my head as I tip my head back in hopes of keeping the tears from falling before I look over him with a bitter smile.

"He's right, Namjoon." I tell him, though the male I refer to is much more than just the two men in the room that's older than me. His frown deepens at my comment, not seeming to like my agreement with them but doesn't argue further.

"Alright! Let's take it from the top!" Mr. Song calls out to shut us up. I sigh softly at this but don't say anything, taking another deep breath as I move to get in place with the others to start the dance over again.

It takes a lot more energy than what my weak body has, but I manage to push through the dance without falling this time. Though, nothing I do ever really seems to be enough for anyone anymore.

"Alright, we're finished here for the day. Go grab lunch." Mr. Song finally announces, earning a few quiet cheers in return. I don't say anything, nor do I plan to stop for lunch as I walk towards my bag to grab a sip of water. Though, I don't get far with my plans before my name is being called once more, bringing my attention back to our instructor.

"Hang back for a minute. I'd like to talk to you separately." He says, giving the other boys a nod to head off without me. Within seconds, we're left alone and the door is pulled shut behind the others when they exit.

"Look, I don't know what the hell is going on with you, but you need to get a grip. You're slacking and you're not one of the boys that can afford that. You're not Hoseok or Jimin or Jungkook or Taehyung. You're not one of our best dancers who's able to afford slacking a bit every now and then. While, yes, you just managed to make it through the whole choreography without falling again, you were sloppy. You were a mess. I don't know what's happening with you, but I don't care. It doesn't matter. You need to get your head back in the game if you wanna keep this shit up. You're a good performer, Yoongi. You're not remotely acting like it though. Fix this, otherwise I'll be forced to go to PD Bang about this. Don't make me go there." He warns before stepping around me and exiting the room as well.

My head falls along with the tears as soon as the door shuts behind him, eyes squeezing shut as I fall to my knees. I don't bother trying to hold it back anymore, don't bother trying to fight any of it as the dark thoughts begin to consume me just as they did so painfully years before. My entire body aches as I sob for no more than probably two minutes, quickly running dry of tears but the pain nowhere near beginning to ease. It hasn't for months now. For nearly a year now.

It's only gotten worse and worse, and I'm just tired of it anymore. I'm just ready for it all to end.