Not Enough | Namgi

Chapter 12

Namjoon POV

Watching Jimin walk back over to us as the doctor walks away from the room, I grow more anxious than I had been before the doctor showed up. Jimin's face looks crushed more than anything else, and it scares the hell out of me. I'm terribly afraid of what's happened, whether Yoongi's okay or not, feeling like it's all my fault for not having seen this coming sooner. For not having remembered Yoongi's birthday, for just standing there and letting everyone speak so poorly to him, for not trying harder to be there for him.

"I think we should all go home and try to get a little sleep for now." Jimin says softly, not looking up at us.

"Is he okay?" I whisper fearfully, not entirely sure that I want to know the answer just yet.

"He's alive, but he's not awake right now. The doctor said we should go home and get some rest right now. Then we can come back later and see him." Jimin answers vaguely.

I sigh at this, not entirely sure if his words bring me much comfort but at least relieved that he's still alive.

None of us really say anything on the walk out, the drive home not really being any better. My mind doesn't stop racing the entire time, and I go straight to his studio as soon as we get home. I can feel everyone's eyes on me and a couple of them following as I enter the room, my eyes scanning the area in hopes of finding something that will give away just what exactly happened that caused him to take such a drastic turn.

Looking around the room though, I manage to spot his phone on his desk, the open bottle of whiskey, the vial I had spotted last night, an unmarked bottle, and then a bag that I don't recognize that's unzipped. Running a hand through my hair, I step further in the room and make my way to his desk since that seems to be where everything had been. Though, when I approach the desk, I find a piece of paper folded in half on his desk with my name scrawled across the center of it. I swallow hard at the sight of it, deciding to look around first before looking at it.

Taking a deep breath, I just cap the whiskey so we not to worry about that before taking a look at the vial that's already been capped. Though, when I spot a torn piece of paper not far from it, my heart drops, knowing that there could be a couple different drugs it could've been but knowing whatever it was is isn't anything light to mess around with. Setting that off to the side, I take a look at the unmarked bottle of pills, trying to figure out what it could've been.

"The doctor said he had cocaine and Valium in his system, hyung." Jimin speaks up quietly, making me look back at him silently. I just nod, capping the bottle before setting it back down. I then take a seat gingerly on his chair, leaning over to open the bag up more to take a look. My heart sinks considerably as I search through and begin pulling different items out of the bag. There's two empty vials similar to the one that had been on his desk, they all must've had cocaine in them...

Shaking my head to myself, I keep going, finding another bottle of what must have been Valium in the bag as well. I suspect it must've been another bottle of Valium, but it's hard to tell considering it's also empty. I continue searching though, pulling out two small baggies next with a disgusting greenish substance in them. One has a smaller amount than the other, suggesting he's also dipped into this stuff as well. I sigh as I recognize it though, having seen kids at school that used to dabble with this shit, weed.

Pursing my lips, I toss them both to the desk and continue on, pulling out two bottles marked as Adderall before setting them on the desk as well. I don't even bother looking into just how much is missing, feeling mildly uneasy at just how far he's sunk to have had possession of so many drugs and for so much to be missing. I don't stop though, finding two empty bottles of soju that I set down on his desk as well before pulling out the last of the bags contents, two cartons of cigarettes. My eyes fall shut at the feeling of one being lighter than the other, and I just shake my head as I set them down on the now somewhat crowded desk.

Letting out a heavy sigh, I lean back in the chair, tears streaming down my cheeks at this point. I don't really know when they begun, but my cheeks feel nearly soaked by the time I've finished going through everything.

Taking a deep shaky breath, I look over towards the doorway to find all five of them stood watching me.

"This is what we drove him to. He couldn't find support in us, and this is what he turned to instead. It's fucking bullshit that he found more safety and comfort in goddamn bottles and drugs than what he could find from us, damn it!" I tell them, anger bubbling up as I shout the last sentence.

I can't tell if the anger is necessarily more so towards myself for not having caught him, for not having recognized just what exactly had smelt off both in the house and whenever we were around him, or if it's more so directed towards the two oldest that's home with us.

Groaning in frustration with everything at the moment, I lean forward once more and begin searching all over the bag again. I know it's not Yoongi's, and I want desperately to understand just where the hell he managed to get all of this shit.

"Fuck." I whisper when I finally spot what I never thought I was going to see again.

"Fucking hell, Yoongi." I mutter as I lean back and drag a hand over my face, the emblem on the back of the bag explaining just how the hell he got everything.