Not Enough | Namgi

Chapter 18

Namjoon POV

My heart drops further when he continues to be unresponsive, looking away from us once again. I have no real idea what to do at this point to try and get him to say something, just knowing that I need to hear him say something.

"Can... can I just get a few minutes alone with him please?" I force myself to say, the entire room having been silent for a couple of minutes now as I keep my gaze on Yoongi. His eyes slide over to look at me, his head not moving from where it's rested back against the pillow behind him. He still stays silent though, blank gaze holding a curious hint to it as his eyes stay locked on me while everyone mumbles quiet agreements whilst shuffling out of the room.

"I'd like to speak with the two of you once you're done." Doctor Lim informs us before shutting the door behind him, though neither Yoongi's gaze nor mine move from each other.

I just let the room fall to silence for a moment now that the door is shut, soon sighing as I move to sit down on the side of his bed. I let my head hang for a minute as I try to find the words to say, feeling tears beginning to build as I stare down at his hand that's laid limp at my side.

"Yoongi, please talk to me. I'm so fucking scared right now and I don't know what the hell to think with you." I choke out, though it comes out as more of a weak plea as I turn my head to finally look over at him. He has a tired and solemn look to his eyes as he gazes up at me, though there's no signs of him saying anything anytime soon. It elicits a whine from me, growing more and more desperate.

"Yoongi, please. You're scaring me, hyung. I really don't want to lose you. I-I love you too." I tell him, feeling the tears beginning to slide down my cheeks. He huffs weakly as his lips involuntarily pout, looking away from me once more. I just stay silent though, desperately hoping and praying that he'll say fucking something, anything.

"You don't need to lie to me, Joon. I know the truth and I know I'm not needed here." Yoongi whispers faintly. My eyes widen at the sweet sound of his gruff voice as my head snaps in his direction. My lips tremble as I stare at the beautiful boy that looks so painfully defeated as he looks away from me.

"Hyung, I'm not lying. Please, Yoongi, oh my god. I've loved you for over a year now. I read your note, hyung. Jimin and I aren't together. He was trying to convince me to confess to you and was trying to tell me why you wouldn't reject me. He wasn't trying to confess, Yoongi, please. Please, I love you and I'm so fucking worried about you right now. I'm so fucking worried about you, Yoongi." I cry weakly, reaching out to take his hand in mine once more. He looks back over at me, but the look in his eyes doesn't show any promising signs.

"You shouldn't." He mutters quietly, gaze falling down to look at my hand that's holding his tightly. I can feel my heart cracking up at his words, hating how much he seems to have given up on everything.

"Yoongi, please. Hyung, talk to me. I can tell just how much you're struggling. Let me help you, Yoongi. Let us help you. Even if it's just baby steps, just let us help you. Let me in again. Let me love you and prove to you just how much I mean that, just give me a chance to help you and show you I mean it." I beg, turning myself to face him a bit more. A watch a bitter tiny smile form on his lips as he shakes his head before looking away from me once more.

"Joon, what's the point anymore? It's not like it's the first time I succumbed to drugs. I doubt it'll end up being the last time until it finally puts me next to my mother. Jimin would be better for you anyways. I just get in everyone's way and keep holding everyone back. I'm just a drag on the band." Yoongi mumbles dejectedly, still not looking over at me. I frown at his words, biting my lip nervously as a small thought comes to mind.

Taking a deep breath, I let my eyes roam over his face for a moment before following through with my idea.

"Yoongi." I murmur softly, watching his gaze flicker in my direction for a moment. I give him a tiny smile as I reach up and place my hand on his far cheek, watching as confusion floods his face. With my heart in my throat, I risk my chance and lean down, using my hand on his cheek to angle his face a little better before placing my lips against his.

I can feel the tiny but sharp intake of air that he does at my action, lips beginning to tremble lightly against my own. I don't pull away though, hoping he'll pull through. He manages to mold his lips to mine for just a moment before he's breaking away though, a sob heaving from his lips as he pushes me away weakly.

My eyes widen in surprise at this, looking at him worriedly as I his face drowning in tears.

"Stop it! Stop already! I don't need the lies! I know I'm not good enough for you! I know you don't want me! Just go back to Jimin and be happy together and leave me behind already! Just let me fucking be gone already!"