Not Enough | Namgi

Chapter 19

Yoongi POV

I glare up at the younger boy, but there's no real bite internally backing it. I feel more heartbroken than anything, knowing that it's impossible for anyone to really feel that kind of way towards me. Knowing it's impossible for the boy I love to actually feel the same in return. My own family doesn't even love me. How could anyone else ever love me?

"Yoongi, stop, please. You're being too stubborn about this. Hyung, I really do love you. I wouldn't lie to you or kiss you if I didn't mean it." Namjoon cries frustratedly, looking somewhat lost as he gazes at me through his own tears.

"Why would I believe that bullshit, Joon? You gave up on me just like everyone else did over these last couple weeks. It's not like I blame you, but you can't just suddenly come around and claim you love me and kiss me like you weren't all over Jimin and avoiding me recently." I challenge, glaring at him through my tears. His faces falls at this, and I know I've got him pinned. His gaze lingers on my face for another minute more before it finally falls, more tears trickling down his cheeks as he shakes his head.

"You're so difficult, hyung. Just because I quit trying to get you to let me in and started paying more attention to Jimin doesn't mean I ever stopped loving. I was just tired of fighting you on it and took your coldness towards me as a sign that you were never going to take any sort of interest in me." Joon tells me defeatedly.

"Then I see no reason for you to backtrack, Joon. Jimin obviously cares for you and can take better care of you than I can. He's better for you than I am anyways. You already gave up on me, Joon. My brother and father never bothered reversing their way of viewing me, I see no reason for you to suddenly stop giving up on me. The rest of the world already has anyways. Should've never fucking came here to begin with." I mutter bitterly, looking away from him as more tears flood my cheeks. I can feel my eyes growing sore from the amount of sudden tears, not to mention my pounding headache only growing worse.

"I never wanted to give up on you, Yoongi. I always held that last sliver of hope that you would possibly feel the same. Please, Yoongi, just let me love you and prove it to you." Namjoon whispers quietly, looking over to me with tears still streaming down his cheeks. I let my eyes flicker between his own, wishing I could believe him. I just sigh though, letting my gaze fall down to my lap.

"I wish you really did love me, Joonie." I mumble with a sigh, letting my head fall back against the pillow behind me and closing my eyes weakly.

I soon hear his footsteps though, and I open my eyes again to find him walking towards the door. My heart drops at the sight but I don't bother stopping him, knowing I don't deserve it. Though, I'm quickly reminded of the doctor wanting to speak to the both of us once we were finished, and I let out a quiet huff.

I have no interest in speaking with him or anyone else that works here.

"Has he said anything yet?" Lim asks quietly as he looks over to me. I roll my eyes at this, surprised if they really didn't hear me all the way out there when I pushed Joon away.

The younger boy looks over at me, seeming to try and gauge how this is going to go with the doctor, but I give him a small glare in warning. He sighs at this, merely shrugging in response as he walks back over to me and sits back down where he'd been sitting before.

"You know you need to talk them at some point, hyung. You have to talk to someone. You have to let someone in." Joon says softly with a small sigh when he sits back down. I just narrow my gaze at him for a moment before looking away again.

"I understand the two of you seem to be the closest out of the seven of you?" Lim questions more so than states. I just avert my gaze to the ceiling rather than looking at either of them, feeling at war with myself over whether or not I could actually trust and believe Namjoon after everything. I know he never really did anything wrong, but after these last few weeks and seeing him give so much attention to Jimin and seemingly avoiding me...

"Yes, he... we're best best friends." Namjoon answers quietly. I can feel his gaze on me, but I don't bother reacting to it. I just keep my stare on the ceiling, keeping my thoughts and bitter emotions to myself as I listen to them.

"I'm... not sure if your other friend informed you. We found drugs in his system, along with traces of others among it. He came in pumped full of Valium and cocaine in his system along with copious amounts of alcohol. There's traces of weed on him as well. I've taken a look at his records, and I understand he was diagnosed with depression and anxiety when he was ten. We need to discuss what's going on though. What happened was extremely risky, and he's very lucky to be alive right now. This is very serious and I'm quite concerned about how mentally stable he is right now." Lim explains.

I pick my head up at the last sentence, eyes wide with a small glare in my eyes.

What the fuck does he mean he doesn't think I'm mentally stable?