Love and Other Diseases (bxb)

Chapter Fourteen

I despised people for many reasons. One, they breathed. Two, they had opinions. Three, sometimes their opinions hurt others.

I could tell that Blake wasn't fully comfortable with holding my hand in the hallway.

The reason being, many people in our school seemed shocked that he would do such a thing. It didn't seem to be about him holding hands with a guy. It was about him.

On more than one occasion, I heard someone gasp and say, "Not Blake?!"

A few others wondered what his ex-girlfriend would say.

Some speculated which positions we were in bed.

And everything that was said was whispered loud enough to be audible. And Blake's bravado was wavering.

While Ms. Nelson droned on in our statistics class, Blake turned to me with uncertainty in his eyes. "Psst. Dude," he whispered. "Everyone is talking about me."

I gave him a shaky grin. "They're mad because you're hot and the girls think you're only into guys."

He rolled his eyes. "That's some bull. They hate me now."

I squeezed his hand. "That's not true, Blake. Trust me, this school is obsessed with you. They're just shocked. Just wait, tomorrow nobody will be saying anything."

He grimaced. "I'm scared about lunch period. I don't want them to say they hate me."

I bit my lip, slightly worried. It was weird to feel nervous on behalf of somebody else's feelings, but I was. I didn't want to see his feelings hurt. I wanted him to be happy, especially because I'd played a part in motivating him to come out.

I kind of wanted to beat up everyone who sent him a second glance.

"Boys, quiet," Ms. Nelson snapped.

Maybe I could just beat up Ms. Nelson.

By the time lunch rolled around, Blake was freaking out. He grabbed at my locker and groaned. "I can't do it. I'm gonna get pushed in the lunch line. Someone's gonna spill spaghetti sauce on me!"

I patted his head and grabbed my lunchbox. "You'll be fine."

"You're not comforting, dude!" Blake whined. "Make me feel better. Reassure me!"

He was absolutely resorting to being melodramatic because it was easier than being scared.

I kissed his forehead. Shockingly, the tension in his shoulders dissipated slightly.

"Your friends god-worship you, Blake," I reminded him. "It was one of the many reasons why I hated you." He glared. "I know you'll be alright."

Except I didn't know that at all.

Blake sat down with my friend group at lunch, which wasn't the best thing he could've done to protect his feelings.

Kay raised an eyebrow. "Wow. I thought you were too cool to sit here," she drolly commented.

Kay thought she was badass. In order to support this, she would occasionally pretend like she was more mean than she actually was.

Blake shifted awkwardly. "I never thought I was too cool. I just wasn't invited."

I pet his head. "Don't worry, she's not serious. She likes to pretend that she's a mean person when she actually isn't."

Blake's eyes narrowed. "Are you serious?"

Kay shrugged and opened her pudding. "Maybe, maybe not."

"See," Christi groaned. "She's not that cool. But if you go along with it, you'll be fine."

Kay elbowed her.

The conversation was calm in the three minutes that Ben wasn't there, but the second he sat down he brought trouble.

"So!" Ben began. "Blakey boy. When did you decide that being Jake's catamite is the lifestyle that's right for you?"

Blake coughed. "Jake told me not to answer those kinds of questions."

Ben shoved his finger in my face. "J! Why are you always such a buzzkill? So what if I want to talk to your new boyfriend a little?"

"He's not my new boyfriend," I grumbled.

Christi blinked. "Um. How? You guys are all cuddly."

"We're not officially dating though," Blake explained.

"But you are together?" Kay asked.

"No," I said.

"Yes," Blake said.

We looked at each other.

"It's complicated," I decided.

Blake nodded.

Thankfully, someone interrupted our slightly awkward conversation. I recognized Kelly, who sat next to Blake in English. 

She sent Blake a bitchy look. "Why aren't you sitting at our table? Are you mad at us? Because that would be rich."

Blake nibbled on his bottom lip. "I wanted to sit with Jake?"

"What?" she snapped. "Because you're butt buddies now? Asshole, you're being a traitor to your friends."

Of course Ben had popcorn in his lunchbox. He popped one into his mouth and hummed. "Mm, drama."

Blake glared at him. "Why am I being an asshole that I want to sit with my almost-boyfriend?"

My heart hurt so badly from his poor grammar, I almost missed the almost-boyfriend part.

"Because! You're ditching us," Kelly snapped. "First you keep secrets, then you don't talk to any of us all day, and now you're ditching us. Are you like mad or something?"

Blake fidgeted. "No? I thought you guys would hate me for being bisexual."

Kelly gestured in a frustrated way. "Blake, I'm bisexual."

Blake fidgeted. "I know... but I didn't want Alana do be upset or anything."

Ah. Alana. That was his ex-girlfriend.

Judging by the way Blake was nibbling on his lip and shifting nervously, he cared about stupid Alana's opinion.

I wanted to leave.

This conversation was now very boring to me.

Kelly scoffed. "Alana doesn't mind! Blake, you're so dumb sometimes. Come back to our table, you'll see. We love you, nobody cares."

Relief reduced the tension in Blake's shoulders and a smile appeared. It was nice to me to see him happy after being nervous all day, but I wasn't happy that stupid Alana was the reason.

"Okay, I'll go back," traitor Blake said. "I'll see you later?"

Oh. He was talking to me.

I shrugged. "Yeah, see you on the walk home."

Blake looked like he wanted to say something else, or maybe do something else, but he walked away.

I shoved my sandwich in my mouth and pretended like I didn't want him to turn around.