Love and Other Diseases (bxb)

Chapter Nineteen

I knocked on the door of Blake's house at 6-way-too-early o'clock, feeling desperate.

Blake hadn't answered any of my texts. And for a guy who was kind of obsessed with me, and who was also going to be my date to prom, this was weird behavior.

Blake answered his door wearing gym shorts and no shirt. I tried my best not to let my eyes wander, but it was hard.

He was shirtless! And he had such nice, lean muscles. And his sharp hipbones disappeared into the too-low shorts, creating a V that was difficult to stop staring at.

He scowled. "Oh. So now I'm sexually attractive."

And then he slammed the door in my face.

I deserved that.

I knocked again. "Blake, please answer. I miss you. ...And honestly that was a difficult thing to admit, so please open the door."

He opened the door.

He was so attractive. I had no idea why he thought I thought otherwise.

Really, nobody in the world looked like Blake Beckson. He was a mix of innocent and sexy. His curly brown hair gave him a boyish charm, but the strength of his jaw turned me on. The muscled curve of his shoulders was a contrast to the soft kindness I could see in his green eyes.

Heat burned on my cheeks. "You're beautiful, Blake," I admitted. "And so, so attractive. If I made you feel like I didn't believe that, I'm sorry."

"Aww!" Blake's mom popped up from behind him. "Blake!"

Blake waved her away, face red. "Mom! Please give us some privacy."

She drifted away after giving me a wink.

"It's not that," Blake said. His stern tone wasn't exactly convincing, with the deep red blush on his cheeks. "You said that...you implied that I wasn't important. Which is fine. I just don't think we should bother trying to be together anymore if that's what you think."

My heart sunk in my chest at his words and the determination in his eyes. "You don't really mean that, right?"

He nodded.

"I know I wasn't really gung ho about us at first, but our last date..." I looked at Blake, trying to figure out what had changed. "You have to admit, we had something special. We were almost better than the three year old!"

I almost got him to smile.

Part of me was remembering what Blake had said that night, about being emotionally vulnerable. If he could be emotionally vulnerable, so could I.

Without realizing it, I'd become attached to Blake. He became important to me. I wanted him in my life.

Part of me knew, even though I didn't want to admit it, that I wanted him as my boyfriend. All the jealousy I felt from Gabe helped me realize it.

But Blake was glaring at me, so I'd be emotionally vulnerable some other time.

Blake cleared his throat and looked at the ground. "You aren't as into me as I'm into you. I honestly just think we need time apart. Maybe...maybe we can have a ten foot distance between us when we walk to school, so people don't see us and think we're friends."

What a rude fucking concept that was. I tried not to be indignant.

"I guess I'll get walking, then," I muttered, turning away and trying to ignore the twisted feeling in my chest.

My friends at school didn't make me feel better. In fact, they kept bringing him up.

Christi nudged me at lunchtime, a shit-eating grin on her face. "So did you and Blake do the do? I heard that girl Michaela talking to you two."

I tried to ignore the way my heart squeezed.

"No," I said gruffly, turning and walking to my locker.

I caught sight of Blake leaning up against stupid Alana's locker. She laughed and twirled her hair.

Nope.

I was way too into Blake to let that happen.

I appeared by Blake's right shoulder and tapped him. "Hi. Can we talk? Again?"

Alana looked at me and suddenly got this weirdly awkward look on her face. I had no idea why.

"I'll leave you two," Alana said. She walked off before we could say anything.

"No, wait—ugh." Blake pinched the bridge of his nose and gave me that look again. The mostly angry, but definitely still hurt, look. "Jake. C'mon. Remember the distance?"

Fuck the distance.

"I'm an idiot," I exclaimed. "I shouldn't have said what I said."

Blake blushed and looked at the group of people who were staring at us. Wait, when had that happened?

"We can talk about this later—"

"No, fuck that," I scoffed, determined to make things right. "I know why you're mad at me. I know I implied that you weren't important to me. But that's not what I meant!"

Blake crossed his arms and leaned against the locker. I tried not to get distracted by his biceps. "Then what did you mean?"

"I mean we need to be closer to have—" Right, the crowd of people. "—to do that. I want you to be my real boyfriend before we do that, because I want it to be special."

There. For the first time, I felt like I'd communicated my emotions well.

It was a big day.

Then someone whispered, "Damn, did you hear that, Angela? They didn't bang."

I turned my attention back to Blake. Surprisingly, he wasn't glaring. He was staring at me like I'd grown a third head—eyes wide and mouth parted.

"So you're actually willing to try this?" Blake asked, amazed. "You don't secretly hate me still? Or you aren't having some weird competition with Gabe?"

I tugged him closer to me by his waist and our foreheads touched. "I like you, Blake. A lot. I know you said we're together, but I want to become your boyfriend... after some more research into our compatibility. I want to take you to prom. Would you like to go on another date?"

He smiled at me and his beautiful green eyes filled with delight. "Hell yeah, dude. Let's do it."

I kissed him and the crowd fell away. That is, until Angela whispered, "Aw!" and the hallway filled with soft noises that people usually made at puppies.

The second Blake and I pulled apart, everyone busied themselves with their bags as if they hadn't been staring.

I looked at Blake to gauge his reaction, but he just smiled and held my hand.

And in that moment, I made myself a promise. Blake Beckson would be my boyfriend.