Soul Lines (Completed)

Chapter Thirty-Two

Chapter Thirty-Two
Kaden's POV

I couldn't sleep longer than a few hours, and it had been like that since she'd gone.

Twenty-seven days.

That's how long I had lasted, with my sanity barely intact. I was persisting, tirelessly desperate to hear her heart as the soundtrack to my thoughts, craving the feel of the threads that used to tie us together.

Nothing.

Nothing I tried made it any clearer. She remained in the dark. The only relief time brought was people stopped mentioning her name. They hadn't forgotten, nor had those close to her adapted, but her name brought more pain, and for that, we had agreed, wordlessly, to bury the pain together.

I didn't sleep because of the nightmares. They even stalked me in my moments of consciousness, creeping outside my dreams to throw shadows across humanity, haunting my daily existence.

I couldn't escape the memory of her, even though the memories weren't mine to begin with. The front of the school was petaled with dying flowers and trinkets as though the girls were already dead. They were never replaced quickly enough, dying before they could be taken away.

Monday's were the worst.

Our meetings still took place, a different face staffing the desk each week, and each day I begged not to go, to use the time in other ways, but I was always forced to go. By the time council was closed, I no longer wanted to leave, scared of what emotions would unfold if I had to walk past another candlelight vigil.

It was impossible to be in Aucteraden without feeling the loss of both girls.

The worst offenders were my thoughts, replaying her words over and over, and I was set on enduring the suffering because it had been earnt.

'You didn't protect me!'

I would try to respond and tell her I hadn't meant this to happen, but as I tried to open my mouth, my lips fought against each other, and she faded into the shadows.

She was right.

I hadn't protected her, not in every way I should have, nor when it counted the most.

The mistakes of my life should have been mine to burden and no one else's, least of all Elle, but I'd passed them on when I had turned away.

Lachlan was only partially to blame because I'd had the power to say something, and I'd done nothing. Wasn't that worse than being the perpetrator? I'd known what would come from Lachlan's deception and allowed it because I had been scared. But how could I protect what I couldn't touch or see? How could I protect her heart if she didn't know I was invested in it?

I had helped give her the emotional scars that marked her heart, and I would spend the rest of my life trying to heal them.

She was gone, not because of Lachlan, but because I had pushed her away with my lie, because I hadn't protected her, and because I couldn't find her. It was my fault.

I missed her.

I missed her because it was all I could do.

I missed the scent of her vanilla perfume and never knowing what her skin would smell like when she changed soaps.

Acteraden was lonely without her in it, without the risk of walking by and seeing her for a moment, the brightest moments of my days. But time had passed, and snow had fallen, smothering the chance of finding her scent.

It hurt, missing her. It hurt because it hit me with painful clarity that this could be the end. I'd wasted years of being with her, or even just being her friend, years that had been gifted to us from the moon goddess with the promise of destined love.