Rainy Days [James Potter]

Chapter 26

WARNING: THIS CHAPTER TALKS SLIGHTLY OF SELF HARM (it's just implied for a brief moment). IF YOU ARE SENSITIVE TO THIS, PLEASE SKIP THIS CHAPTER!

The boys weren't following her.

She waited for a couple of minutes, which quickly turned into an hour and no one appeared. She begrudgingly went back to the Astronomy Tower, only to find it empty, cleared of any trace that people had ever even touched the room. She bribed a Gryffindor student to make him give her the password to access Gryffindor tower. The common room was as empty as the Astronomy Tower. So was their room and the Great Hall (which wasn't surprising since no one was allowed to be there anyway) and even the Quidditch pitch, the Black Lake and the kitchens. Hogwarts Castle was asleep, but the Marauders clearly weren't.

Her feet were numb at this point and her arms were pale and covered in goosebumps. She walked back to the dungeons at the pace of a zombie and ignored the obvious gossiping in the room next to hers.

She pushed open the door that led into her dorm. To be completely honest, calling it a dorm would be generous. It was a small room with creaky hardwood floors and one four poster bed covered in clothes and empty chocolate boxes in the far left corner. An empty desk was placed under a small widow that flooded the room with a cold green light from the lake, which she often looked through to see the mermaids. Her owl, Pepper, was in a small cage on the ground, next to which she kept her trunk with school supplies. A door lead to a messy bathroom, covered in cosmetics and different scented soaps and candles. Other than that, the room was empty. She had no roommates or family photos. What family was there to take photos of?

While she couldn't say her parents were particularly cruel or prejudiced, they were certainly not the warmest or kindest. They weren't followers of Voldemort, but they were often hosts to numbers of people that are.

Sometimes, she makes a list of all their flaws in her head. She tries to name as many as she can, just to prove to herself that she has a valid reason to hate them. In reality, she just wants attention from them. She wants them to love her. Until then, she is a helpless slave to her emotions. Or rather, the recent lack of them.

She shoved the garbage off her bed and lay herself down, pulling the covers over her head so the obnoxious laughter from next door would be drowned out. She heard her heartbeat drumming in her ears. A small reminder that she was, in fact, alive, although sometimes it's so hard to tell. The scars on her wrists throbbed, drawing immediate attention to themselves. She thought of how close the scissors were to her bed, if she could just grab them...

She pushed her thoughts aside with disturbing ease as she slipped into a tranquil unconsciousness.

*

When she woke up, it wasn't because she wanted to. She would stay in bed all day if she had the choice. But James Potter had a very different idea.

At eight o'clock on Saturday morning, he barged in the room in a warm winter coat that seemed too soft to even exist.

"Wake up, it's the holidays." he announced monotonously as he walked through the door. It got her attention.

"What?" she sat up and looked at him him clear disbelief in her eyes.

"Did you not know?"

"Absolutely not!" she yelled at him angrily, although she didn't quite know why she was angry.

"Are you supposed to be at home?" he asked. She pursed her lips.

"I am home." she stated bitterly, looking him dead in the eye to the point where he started getting a little bit scared.

"Well we're going shopping for Christmas presents if you want to join us in Hogsmeade. For your information, I know it sounds like it is, but it's not optional."

She laughed lightly and stood up from her bed and grabbed some comfortable clothes from her trunk. "I'm going to get changed, then."

James watched as she stepped into the small bathroom and locked the door behind her. He waited patiently, confused that she didn't know it was the holidays. Did nobody mention it? Did the teachers not tell her? Did she just forget?

Regardless, he couldn't help but pity the girl with no one she wanted to go home to.

"Why aren't you home?" She asked through the door. James picked up a small ornamental Christmas bauble from her almost empty desk.

"Parents are off in some foreign country, so me and Sirius are staying here for the holidays. I don't feel like exploring any kind of new culture. Peter and Remus insisted on staying with us, though I'm not sure why."

"Cause they're your friends, you wonderful idiot." she giggled and walked out of the bathroom wearing a giant fluffy sweater with an R right in the middle and a pair of denim jeans. "How do I look?"

"Perfect. Let's go."