Stay With Me

12

Euronymous found himself half listening as Varg droned on about why he believed corn flakes tasted best when they were crispy, but his mind was on Vanessa. He knew he was being a jerk to her and Dead, but heartbreak after heartbreak had him longing for one gentle touch from someone that would love him unconditionally as Vanessa did with Dead. She was everything he had ever dreamed of and more, and yet, he couldn't figure out a way to talk with her without throwing himself at her feet. It was completely uncharacteristic of him as well as unattractive.

He had hoped that things with Ann would have worked out, she had seemed like she was going to be the one until it had come out that she had been seeing someone else as well. Sure, they had only been seeing each other for a couple of weeks, but how long would it be until someone showed him the affection he so badly craved?

"Are you even listening to me?"

Euronymous shook his head, looking at Varg. "I must have zoned out for a second. What did you say?"

Varg chuckled. "I said you seem pretty obsessed with Dead's girlfriend. Something you wanna get off your chest?"

"No. There's really nothing to talk about. I have feelings she'll never return and that's the end of it."

"Maybe you could just try being her friend first. Maybe one day she'll return the feelings, or you two can just be happy as friends."

Euronymous couldn't think of anything to say. He wasn't sure if he could push the feelings he had for her aside just like that. He wanted her; needed her. But... if they were just friends? Surely it would end the tension that had built up around the house. Necro and Hellhammer would never forgive him if Dead left the band because of him, they would almost surely leave along with him.

"She's a mystery," he muttered. "Dead was so obsessed with this woman he saw in his dreams, and then she appears out of nowhere and they act like they've known each other for years. He's never once mentioned her before; he only ever really talked about his family and that was it."

Varg shrugged, rolling his eyes. "Maybe he just wanted to keep her a secret. But I guess I can understand why you'd be curious. He didn't give any kind of clue how this girl even found him?"

"Nope. She just showed up out of the blue and moved right in with him. It's bizarre."

"Are you sure you aren't just overthinking things? Maybe Dead really did know her before and was writing letters to her or something."

"I don't know, man. This whole thing is just weird. He hasn't even mentioned that chick from his dreams ever since she showed up. How do you go from obsessing over something to acting like it never happened?"

Varg shrugged. "Dead's a weird guy. Maybe it's just that easy for him."

Deciding to end the conversation, Euronymous turned his attention to the T.V. He was tired of talking to Varg all the time; the man was practically glued to his hip. It was almost uncomfortable having him around anymore. He tried focusing on what the woman on the news was talking about, something having to do with another murder or something like that, but Varg continued to talk.

"I'm gonna go and get some air," he stated as he quickly got off the couch.

"Want me to go with you?"

"Nah, man, I just need some space for a minute. You can chill if you want until I get back."

Not waiting for the man to answer, Euronymous made his escape out the front door and into the snowy weather. The sun was slowly setting, blinding him as he walked down the driveway. He tried looking down at the ground to keep the light out of his eyes, but the reflecting light against the snow only made it harder for him to see. While it was obvious Norway had beautiful winters, Euronymous almost wished he would never have to deal with the horrid stuff again.

He wasn't sure where his feet were taking him and he couldn't have cared less. He didn't want to be around anyone, didn't want to talk. He just wanted to disappear for a while. His mind wandered to a time before Mayhem had started. The image of a girl about ninteen, dark brown hair flowing down her back and whipping across her face as she ran down the streets of the small town. Closing his eyes he tried to shake the image out of his mind, begging for it to go away; until the crystal blue eyes of hers looked at him. His pace quickened, tears threatening to fall as he tried to push her out of his mind.

"Come on, Øystein! We're going to be late!"

That voice.

"Please," he whimpered. "Get out of my head."

"We have plenty of time! You're just impatient."

"No. I can't do this again."

She laughed, grabbing hold of his hand as she pulled him along with her. The sound rang through his mind as clearly as if she were standing there beside him as he nearly ran down the road, ignoring the few people he happened to pass. He watched as she came closer to him, her eyes going to the ground as he pulled her to him, their lips meeting in a soft kiss that ended all too quickly.

He fell to the ground, his tears falling freely as he put a hand up to the gravestone in front of him. For the moment, he didn't care if anyone saw him crying. Let them see, let them hear him. For the moment, he needed this release. His mouth opened as he let out a pain filled cry into the sky, his heart feeling as though it would explode as it pounded against his chest. Holding onto the stone, he ran his fingers across the delicate cursive letters that had been carved into it five years earlier.

Vera Onstad

January 25, 1968-April 11,1984

Tatt før hennes tid, for alltid i hjertene til de som elsket henne.

"Why?" he cried. "Why'd you leave me here?"

His eyes closed as the final piece of the memory played in his head like a movie. Her lips hovering just above his as they ended the kiss, both of their eyes still closed as they smiled.

"When are we going to finally get out of here and get married, Øystein?"

"As soon as I can afford to take you away from here."

"I don't care about that, I just wanna be with you. I love you, Øystein."

Then came the sound of a car horn as it came closer to them just before hitting both of them. It was almost a week before Euronymous had woken up in a panic, trying to remember what had happened. He had asked the doctors where she was, only to be told she had been killed on impact. Her parents had tried to blame him for it all, saying they never should have let their daughter see someone like him. And they were right.

She had been sneaking out almost every day just to see him without her parents knowing. They had always hated him, always reminded him that he was nowhere near good enough for their little girl. He could never disagree with them, but he loved her and wanted to be selfish and keep her for himself. Maybe if he had ended things she would still be alive.

"You left before I could even give you your ring," he sobbed. "I was going to propose that night after the movie. We could've run away and started a whole new life, but you left before we could. I miss you so much. I miss being close to you, miss being held by you. I was never good with showing my emotions but it was always so different with you. I...I loved you. And now I'm all alone. I just...I just want to be loved again."

Darkness soon washed over the cemetery as Euronymous stood to leave.

"Happy birthday, angel," he whispered as he began to make his way out of the graveyard and back to the house.