Cassidy and Carter

Chapter 8: Cassidy

I walk outback with another glass of wine to sit on the lounge chair and watch the girls play soccer with Benji and Cart. Maybe I'm here to watch Cart instead of my sisters, but I would never admit that. Grams and Pop's yard is huge with a giant patch of grass in the middle that the girls love running around on. Our backyard at home is pretty large, but it's mostly desert landscape because I can't keep up with lawn maintenance, nor would I have any idea how too.

Pops has set up two goals one on each side of the yard. Cart is currently goalie against both girls and Benji and is getting his ass kicked. Carter's wearing fitted blue jeans that form to his firm ass and a plain white under shirt after he took off his navy blue short sleeved button up he was wearing. He had on clean, white sneakers, which he ditched for the soccer game. Cart has that beautiful boy next door look about him. He is ruggedly handsome with a sharp jaw always perfectly covered in day old stubble that I can feel rubbing against my thighs as I think about it.

His lips are so plump and kissable I have to rub my legs together to create some kind of friction where I need it. I can practically feel myself pulling his bottom lip into my mouth and sucking on it while he makes these delicious noises of torture. His light blonde hair is cut close to his head, but there is still enough to grip. His eyes are a crystal clear blue that always seem to see right through me. His frame is huge at 6'3, he is built of solid muscle. Everything about him is big, especially the best parts.

I'm a thigh girl. I find most girls are interested in chests, arms or backs, but I am practically salivating thinking about Carter's thick ass thighs which lead up to my absolute favorite part of him. His dick is thick, just like this thighs, but veiny and curved so it hits all the right spots inside of me. I'm not usually into sucking dick, but he just has one of those dicks that makes a girl really eager to suck.

"Hi perve, done oogling his nut sack yet?" Abby says from the chair next to me where I definitely didn't see her sit and have no idea how long she's been there watching me rub my thighs together as I think about licking Cart's dick. Oops.

"Nope still have about another hour before I'm done!" I throw back with a big smile.

"Why don't you admit you just want to lick his asshole already so you two can fuck?"

"Ok Abby, I want to lick his asshole, he's very fucking hot! Happy?"

"Carter!" Abby yells across the yard.

I kick her foot off the end of the chair "Shut the fuck up loser don't make him come over here just to embarass me! You're a dick!"

Carter is already halfway across the yard heading our way and the second I make eye contact with him I remember why I should have scratched this itch with him earlier. Our chemistry is really intense and I've never felt anything like it, but in instances like this it's a little too much to be contained in Gramps and Pops back yard next to Abby who is already suspicious of my oogling.

"Ladies," Carter says with sweat dripping down his hairline and his shirt sticking to his skin so tight I can make out his chest muscles. Bless hot summers and man sweat.

"Cassidy would like to lick your asshole so could you be a doll and turn around and bend over?"

Cart chuckles, not surprised by Abby's inappropriate outburst and looks at me,

"Let me take a shower first then you can lick whatever you'd like," he says with a wink. Well fuck me I'm done for. I'm definitely licking him tonight.

After helping Grams and Pop clean up the kitchen and pack the leftovers for Benji and Carter to take home I excuse myself to the restroom to pee before the 15 minute trip home. I had two half glasses of wine over the course of a few hours so I'm not even feeling a buzz, but I am feeling the effects on my bladder.

I wash and dry my hands then unlock the door when the handle turns and the door pushes in. Carter pushes me back into the bathroom with his hand on my hip and shuts and locks the door behind him. He grabs the back of my thighs and I instinctively clasp my hands around his neck and I'm hoisted onto the bathroom counter before I can ask him if anyone saw him come in. His lips slam into mine and I instantly part my lips for his tongue to slide in.

My hands roam down his neck, across his broad shoulders and over his thick arms feeling the shirt still damp and forming to his muscles. I reach behind him and push his shirt up so I can feel the hot skin on his lower back. I moan into his mouth as he continues to kiss me stupid. Fuck, this is exactly what I needed.

It's been two weeks since I felt his skin on mine and it feels like it's been months. I move my hands around to the front to run my fingers over the indents on his abs. He uses my movement to push me back a little further to slide his hand up the front of my shirt towards my bra while the other hand has a tight grip on my hair, keeping my mouth in place for him to dominate. He pulls the bra down and pinches my nipple with his rough fingers and I moan even louder into his mouth.

I withdraw my hands and push against his chest for him to release my mouth. He does so reluctantly to look into my eyes while still holding my hair like he might just bring my mouth back to his regardless of my pushing.

"Come over tonight?" I ask him breathlessly as I suck in lungfuls of his cedar cologne mixed with yummy sweaty man.

The scent is comforting. His smell instantly calms me like my brain and my body know we're safe because he's here.

"Thank God I was going crazy," Carter says on an exhale of breath as he puts his forehead to mine.

"I missed you so fucking much, but I didn't want to be clingy. I was getting desperate. I was considering getting on my knees and begging if barging in here didn't get the results I wanted."

"And what were the results you wanted?" I ask with a small smile on my face, glad he seems to have felt the same way I did when we were apart.

"I wanted you to invite me over. Maybe for you to tell me you missed me and really did want to lick my asshole."

A laugh bursts out of me before I realize we need to be quiet. He smiles and those cheesy ass butterflies erupt in my stomach. Fuck he's gorgeous.

"I missed you," I say as I lean in and suck his plump bottom lip just as I had thought about doing earlier.

He gives me a delicious groan and pulls my thighs forward so my jean covered center rubs right against the generous bulge in his jeans. Now it's my turn to moan as he pushes against me, giving me friction right where I need it. He starts kissing down my throat so I move my head to the side to give him better access.

There's one short, quiet knock on the door then Benji says the girls are looking for me. I kiss my favorite plump lip one more time then push Cart back so I can hop off the counter.

"I'll see you at 10?" I question him to make sure he can be there at that time.

We usually hang later, but I really don't want to wait any later than that tonight.

"If I'm not there I'm dead," he whispers into my ear from behind me as I grab the door handle.

His comment makes my breath catch as I open the door and leave Cart behind in the bathroom. Benji is there leaning against the wall opposite the door I'm coming out of.

"Coast is clear," he gives me a head nod and a dirty smile. I hug him around his fit waist and say "thank you," quietly.

I'm sure Carter's comment was seemingly innocent in his mind, but that is my greatest fear. That fear keeps me up at night. It feeds my anxiety and it literally paralyzes me some nights. Death. My greatest fear is losing those I love. Everyone leaves me eventually.

I have lived in a world where I felt so alone I couldn't take a full breath without pain in my chest. If only he knew what his comment meant to me. That the reason why I will never be able to commit to him is because he is someone I couldn't survive losing. His loss would be as great as my Mom's. I survived hers by some miracle, but I wouldn't be able to survive his.

I know that seems irrational. My therapist and I have processed my relationship roadblock with Carter repeatedly, and even she tells me it's something that could be worked through, but I can't move past the fear. Maybe I can navigate these feelings of grief and loss one day and be in a relationship, or maybe I'm broken. Maybe I'll never be normal because I've come to only rely on myself and I've found that I'm the only person it's safe to need.