A teen is stunned to discover he's half-vampire. Will being asexual-aromantic thwart bloodlust, or are there other emotions strong enough to trigger murder?
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Natsu anxiously follows his mentally-ill mother's rules, forcing himself to be an em...
How would my life have turned out if I'd been allowed to develop normally? Would I still have both my parents? Would I have had friends?
How would my life have turned out if I had known I was half Nativus? How do Nativus kids usually grow up? Sergius once told me there are books part of "standard vampire education." Nativus kids grow up knowing all about themselves and their world. Valerian had called me ignorant. I'm an outsider here. I don't belong.
But I don't belong in the human world either. I never did. I thought that I was ripped away from my old reality―the world where just humans existed, and I existed as one. In actuality, I was just a wolf in disguise, hiding amongst the sheep. I invaded their world and then was forced back into the one where I started. Ah, no. That's right—I don't belong here either.
Then, where do I belong?
There will always be people you don't know. There will always be people you know but don't understand. And there will always be people you can't trust. But what if instead of someone else, that person is you? Not knowing yourself is a scary thing. Not understanding yourself is frightening too. And if you don't know yourself and can't understand yourself, then how can you trust yourself? When you can't trust yourself, that's the most terrifying.
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Thursday, October 25, 2007
Two mentors have temporarily returned to the house. Emina stays by Nina. Dante stays on his laptop at the kitchen table. Whenever I come downstairs, his gaze follows me from the staircase until I reach the kitchen.
It's clear they fear I'll run away. It's stupid, though. Where would I go?
I have not gone to work. Wednesday, I called out sick. I wasn't in the mood. Sergius requested I take off until my three days are over, and I obliged without argument because it's not like I particularly enjoy work. Being around humans, not eating during lunch break―everything is a reminder. It's not like I want to run away and forget. I just feel better if I can contemplate things in my own space without distractions. I've been staying in my room.
But today, I come out because I can't do any more thinking without any more knowledge. When I open my door, Nina is coming down the hallway from her room. My standoffish attitude since Tuesday evening has kept her away. But maybe she's reached her limit, or perhaps it's the fact that I have made eye contact that compels her to pick up her pace when she sees me.
She stops in front of me and fiddles with her fingers. "Is it true... that you're leaving?"
I stare at her for a moment before saying, "I want to." Nina looks up at me with sad eyes, but there isn't anything I can say to make her feel better. I'm sorry to leave you alone, Nina. But I can't stay just for you.
"Is it true..." she lowers her head again this time, speaking more quietly, "that you're half-human?"
