Winston's Princess (Outsiders Little Sister)

Here's Why......(also a small surprise)

Okay y'all are probably wondering "What the hell is she doing?" Well lemme tell ya. So I have been uhhh...going through some things. And they have only gotten worse as I have gotten older. This is also my senior year, so I'm getting ready for graduation. Writing was an escape for me and it still is, but instead of writing on here, I have been writing poetry, short stories, and (when I'm feeling edgy) songs. So here are a couple that I don't mind sharing :)

Heart Beat-

I wish I could let my problems flow out of my mouth as if it were a fresh cut on my skin. Everything I have endured is left bottled. I hold my breath and try real hard not to cry. Another self harm technique I have developed and have used longer than the others. Just like my tears and blood mixed with caffeine, nicotine, alcohol, or whatever I decided to consume, it's left an everlasting scar. Not just on me. By keeping it from everyone and unleashing it all at once, I'm practically slaughtering their image of me. They're scarred just like me. Scarred by the slaps on my face. Scarred by the hands groping my thighs. Scarred by druggies stealing, ruining, and raiding my property. Scarred by malicious screaming, slamming doors, flying fruits, floor creaks made by stomping. Though my heart is not broken, it may bring some relief that it's only raggedy and torn, but empty. Over the span of a year, after feeling guilty when it's not my fault, anxious when everything is fine, getting emotional scars after physical abuse, becoming angry and then sad within a two minute span, and knowing what doors are there and not opening them, my heart is drained. I only pray that no matter how unbearable things get, it keeps beating.

Friendship-

"Easily manipulated" it said on my grave stone
With all of my wishes, have been turned detrimental.
That pleasure in the act of being sentimental
Granted that your presence is there, I still feel all alone.
It's as easy as making toast to make me feel sympathetic
For the blunder you thought of when I was helpless
It's all child's play to make my feelings frivolous.
Your rage gets hotter and that's my mistake. Don't let me forget it.
But you sing it. You preach it. You shove it
Until I'm physically...spiritually drained in the end
I have finally laid down; I lay still to listen:
"True friend" they say as I lay in the ditch.

Rain-

It's thunder and lighting
That keep me fighting
You only see me smiling
Never see me crying
I wish somethin could take away the pain
You don't see me sulking in the rain

Thunder and lighting
Don't have me frightened
You take ahold of my hand
Not worried 'bout the sun yeah
I feel safe with you, yeah it's insane
To be seen with me, dancing in the rain

I want y'all to know, no matter how bad things get, you are here for a reason. Whether it's to cure cancer or to help a five year old tie their shoes, you're here for a reason. Your story might not have a happy beginning, but don't opt yourself out of an amazing ending.❤️