𝖇𝖗𝖔𝖐𝖊𝖓, tommy lee.

one.

~ ~ ~

"hey, mom. it's me again," i call out softly as i slowly kneel down in front of the tombstone. i feel the familiar stinging of tears try to fight their way through my eyes, but i blink fast enough to fight them back.

"it's been two years since you left this cruel world," i say, my voice cracking with sadness. i take a deep breath as i embrace the current silence, racking my brain far and wide as i try to find something to say.

"i miss you. so much. i'm so sorry i haven't visited you in awhile... i've been so busy with uncle jeff and the house," i explain, pausing as i finally give into the sadness as i let out a few semi-quiet sobs, hot tears streaming down my frowning cheeks.

"jeff is doing okay. you know michelle's way of controlling him. i think you being gone has given him some sort of motivation to start working along with me more on the house. i'm forever grateful to him. i can tell he misses you too; he'll never admit it, though. you know how stubborn jeff-o has always been," i joke at the end, letting out an ugly cry/laugh.

jeff was my mom's brother; my uncle. he had always taken care of her in his own ways. ever since her death, he hadn't ever been the same joking, loving man he used to be. his sister meant the world to him. she was my world, along with his.

after mom's death, grandma had died from old age, leaving me and my little sister sophia to basically fend for ourselves. my father had offered endlessly to take us into his care and for us to sell our current house. i said; no way. i had made a promise to my mother on her deathbed, to keep the house the best i could. that house was in our family ever since our grandpa had built it. i wasn't ready to give it up; and neither was jeff.

so, me and jeff started working intensely on the house, trying to maintain it. we won't give it up. so then on, jeff lived with his controlling wife and his two kids along with me and sophia in the house. it was a... unique living situation, to say the least.

i snap back to reality, and sniff a bit in order to hopefully keep my runny nose somewhat at bay.

"everyone's doing well. i got a new job as a background dancer for the band motley crue. jeff knows their manager from being buddies back in the day, and mentioned my small portion of dance classes i used to take way back when."

"i'm leaving tomorrow, and i already told joel. you, joel, and jeff are my only friends right now... hopefully i'll somehow make new friends on this tour. i'll be joining them on this second leg of the tour; their past dancer quit because she had a family emergency or something." i explained.

i braced myself with a shaky, deep breath before continuing on. "i'm sorta doing this for you. i know, i know; it sort of sounds fucking ridiculous... but i know how much you always talked about traveling the world, but now i can travel with you in my heart," i say, and pause as i completely break down, picturing her bright smile and dancing ocean eyes in my mind.

my sobs rip loudly through the looming, sad silence of the cemetery. i hate silence.

"i listen to your voice on my message machine every day. i miss you, so so so much. i would give anything to join you up there... maybe soon, but i gotta finish this tour. i wish you were here to help me deal with life like you used to." i explain.

i smile sadly and wipe away the tears sloppily from my eyes as i sigh. "the cats miss you. it's really lonely at night, and both of the cats come into my room and sleep with me. piglet's doing okay i guess... but you can tell she's about ready to join you, poor girl."

i grit my teeth together as i continue on, with a more bitter kind of tone. "dad doesn't really care. he did end up getting me another psychologist-- thank god---, but you can tell he's in his lala land, per usual. i wish he could always be buzzed, not drunk, when he's funny and happy. when he's sober, he's boring and a dick. i wish everything was like the old days, like when dad was nice, and you were here." i tear up once again, but then blink them away.

any more crying, and i would come home with big, puffy eyes and jeff would be extra concerned. and jeff loved to pry.

i sigh, and look around at the sky; it had turned from a grayish cold blue, to beautiful hues that mixed together to portray a sunny orange, a dandelion yellow, mixed in with hints of a peachy pink along with a tiny splash of violet.

i smile softly at this; i love sunsets and sunrises. so did mom; sometimes in the summer, we would stay up all night until 5am watching cartoons and movies, and then watch the sunrise and just talk about the good shit in life.

"i guess it's time to go. this leg of the tour should only go until december, so it shouldn't be too long until i see you again; and we're also performing here in about half a month, too." i say, and dust off my knees as i get up.

my raggedy jeans were now partially stained temporarily with dirt and grass. not that i minded, though.

i allow a couple more tears to slip out of my left eye, feeling my heart clench as i clutched my car keys anxiously in my right hand.

"i love you mom. the world is too cruel without you," i whisper, before slowly walking away.

i look at her tombstone before fully accepting the fact that she can only be in my heart for this tour.

VONNA MARIE FENTON.
a loving wife, mother, and friend.
she will be dearly missed.
1946-1985.

~ ~ ~

AUTHOR'S NOTE.
hey. i hope you enjoy this book.
if you haven't gotten the memo, this book
is pretty damn dark.
also, there'll be pretty slow updates.