Broken Beyond Repair

Harmed

Fell woke up sprawled across the floor of his bedroom. He groaned as he got up, feeling some of the old cracks reforming on his skull. He realized that it would likely become a scar, because it had already been healed, and yet the cracks were still there.

With his hand clutching his stomach, he limped over to the door, only to find that it was locked. Cursing, he slumped to the ground in defeat. Outside, he could hear Edge yelling, obviously stressed from his job and his brother. Fell brought his head to his knees as a few tears rolled down his face.

"It's my fault." He said in a quiet voice. "If I would just not mess up then we'd be fine. If I kicked those weirdos out when I first saw them, he wouldn't be upset. But because of me, he's stressed and upset, and I'm a failure to him!" His voice rose, only slightly, as he finished his speech, blinded by self doubt. At that moment, he sold himself to the worst possible emotions.

Self demise.

Self hate.

Self harm.

Fell got up slowly, making no attempt to wipe away the tears that had been streaming down his face. He then silently walked over to his bed and looked under it. There, he found a box labeled, 'For Emergency Use Only'. He ripped the box open to find bottles of water, a blanket, some boxes of instant macaroni, and a few flashlights.

The box was meant to be used in case a human fell down and they had to evacuate for some reason. However, Fell continued to rummage through, looking for one specific item. He dumped the contents of the box onto the floor and searched through it until he found it.

The emergency knife.

Fell quickly picked it up and threw off his jacket. He then rolled up his sleeve and held the knife above his bare arm. He trembled slightly as he bit his lip. He closed his eyes and silently counted.

One.

Two.

Three!

He quickly sliced his arm in one quick streak. A bit of blood trickled onto the red carpet below, blending in quite well. A few tears rolled down his face, but these were tears that he gladly accepted. He welcomed the feeling of pain, allowing it to mask the feeling of failure, of worthlessness. He smiled as he cut again, wincing only slightly this time.

He cut three more times, then looked down onto the five ugly slice marks that littered his arm. He sighed and hid the knife under his bed again, then went back to the contents of the box. In there he found some brace bandage, in which he proceeded to wrap around his arm. He then rolled down his sleeve and put on his jacket again. He hid the contents of the box under his bed as well, attempting to hide the knife within it.

Fell collapsed on his bed, breathing heavily.

"I did it.. oh Asgore, I did it! What will Boss think?! Ugh, this was a mistake." He grabbed his forehead and thought to himself. He rubbed his arm, feeling the pain slowly start to fade, causing the feelings of self doubt and worthlessness flood back into him. He whimpered softly, hating himself even more for his mistakes.

"I'm just a burden.. that's all I'll ever be. A weakling burden to everyone and everything around me. Yeah, that's it." He finally wiped the tears away and picked up a bottle of mustard that was left sitting on his dresser. Taking off the lid, he started chugging it, drinking as much as he could. He had decided to use his next coping mechanism.

Getting drunk like it was the end of the world.

He sat there and practically inhaled the contents of the bottle, until the world slowly started to slip away from his grasp. He felt the pain from earlier start to fade. He felt good, he felt happy, he felt like he actually could live. Fell started to laugh a bit as he watched the world in front of him reshape.

His bed became wavy, his walls grew closer and further apart, and the world started to spin. He laughed even more now, the feeling was amazing. Why couldn't he feel like this all the time? He held onto it as long as he could before the idea of sleep sounded like fun, so he got off the bed and wobbled around the room a bit before collapsing onto the ground.

As he did the wounds opened..

And blood started to slowly seep out..

But his red turtleneck hid the blood..

So nobody would know..

Nobody could know...