One shots

Sweet sunshine

"If I can stop one heart from breaking,
I shall not live in vain;
If I can ease on life the aching,
or cool on pain,
Or help one fainting robin,
unto his nest again,
I shall not live in vain." -Emily Dickinson

She couldn't help the heaviness she felt in her heart. No, the all consuming feeling of her world crashing down had been a constant for her the past week of her miserable existence.And she hated it. Loathed that anything could have that sort of control over her. After all Makayla was a woman always in control and in check of herself. And knowing that, that was slipping was driving her insane. Slowly but surely, she was feeling her world slip beyond the control of her fingertips. In the past week alone, she had felt more than she had in her lifetime, an extreme pull towards someone she was sure she wasn't deserving of, devastation of news she never thought she would ever have to hear.

She had cried so much so that she was sure she had no tears left to cry. Broken down numerous times that even she had lost count. And prayed. Hard and constant that it all would come to an end. That everything would end and she would be able to go on for however long she had left. Staring at her gaunt face in the mirror she thought how much worse it would get from here. how the circles and bags under her green eyes wold just get darker and bigger. Her cheeks would sink in further. What full lips she has would be lost, chapped, a shade of blue and forever cold.

Although she would never admit it she was scared. More than she had ever been. Knowing and living with it were two different things. Would she lose all her hair again? The black locks had just reached below her breasts again, despite being thinner. She had just put back on some weight that she didn't get the worried stares from strangers on the street as she passed them by. She had just bought herself a whole new wardrobe of clothes to celebrate. Celebrate her struggle for life. For it all to be in vain a year later.

Her hands gripped the basin in a vice grip, knuckles turn a shade of hot white. she breathed in deep. Once, twice in an attempt to hold herself together. Her body shook ever so slightly, a ricochet of trembles coursing through her as the first lone tear made a path down her cheek. Chest tightening with an unbearable pain that was taking over her ability to breath. Her ears rang, hands and feet becoming numb with every struggled breath. she worked hard, breathing raggedly to calm herself, to calm her body before she lost the last tether of strength she had. She would, could do this again.

As the aftershocks of her small break down rocked through her body, she reached out to grab the simple dress she was wearing tonight for the party. The spaghetti strapped dress, was flowy, and soft to touch. It hung delicately around her neck, showing off her protruding collar bones. Black, with a deep v cut front it showed of a hint of her cleavage and fell mid back showing off her smooth tanned skin. Her spine still stuck out slightly, and if you looked closely you could still see the thin lined scars from numerous tubes and catheters she was once hooked up to. It was something she definitely was not looking forward to again. It fell to mid calf and was easy to move in, just in case she needed to run away tonight.

Moving onto her makeup she kept it simple. With little time she had anyways after leaving work she was barely able to take a shower before having to dress up. A thin layer of foundation and concealer did close to nothing to hide away the dark circles and bags under her eyes. A light touch of a soft pink blush bought some color into her deathly pale complexion. Foregoing eyeliner, she coated her lashed generously in mascara that they were extremely full and wispy, she was grateful that she never needed fake lashes because of them. Filling in sparse areas of her perfectly arched brows, she donned a soft brown lipstick to complete her look.

Simple gold hoop earrings sat on her first lobes, the second lobe piercings had gold studs and the third a mix match pair. Instead of her everyday watch she went for a simple and slim gold cuff on her left wrist. Pairing the outfit with a pair of stilettos, she grabbed the long gold jacket she planned on taking before making sure to grab any last remaining bits and pieces and putting them in the small bag she was taking with her.