"I told you not to do it, ya nerd."
"The drugs here are good...." hazel smiled down at her hands. "Good at numbing things."
"Yeah they are...hazel remember that place you sent me when issac was little and I was addicted to heroin?"
"Yeah...why!?" She sat up. "I'm not going there!"
"It might be good for you."
"No cal! No! I'm not going! I'm NOT an addict!"
"Hazel, you are..."
"No please I don't wanna go!"
"Please just try? For me? For the kids? For Issac and Alice and cj?"
"No! I'm not going!"
"Then you'll stay here in the hospital."
"Just leave me alone and I'll leave you alone! Forget I came back into your life and-"
"Haze you were my best friend, I'm here for you, I want you to get better."
"yeah see the key word in that sentence is "were" as in past tense. I was lots of other things but it doesn't matter. None of it matters. So please just stop trying to help me"
"I said were because this is not my best friend! This is not you! This is NOT my hazel! My hazel was sweet and beautiful and always put everyone else before herself! Whoever you are is selfish and disgusting! I miss MY hazel! And I won't stop til I have her back so yeah I'm going to say "were" because whoever this is now isn't my best friend!"
hazel looked at her lap "you won't get her back, she's fucking gone calum. I took drugs and i won't ever go back to how i was, it's gonna be almost a year until i get clean and you won't wait that long. Even when i do get clean i am never gonna be beautiful, my skin is dry, i have scabs on my legs and on my chest, i'm so fucking pale and all my clothes are too big for me. I have to shop in the goddam kids section."
"and that'll never change unless you try your goddamn hardest. Don't you want to feel okay? Don't you want to go outside and not be cold even tho it's 70 degrees outside? Don't you want to wear tee shirts and sun dresses and nice bras and panties for someone again? Don't you want to feel like the girl who is strong enough to break anyone's heart even tho she's far to kind to ever do such a thing? Don't you want it be there for your kids and be a strong role model for your daughter?"
"god i tried to be myself again, i really did try calum. I went on dates and someone really liked me" she smiled softly at the memory but the smile soon faded. "he was a liar and all that came out of his mouth was just bullshit so that was it. And i am not a good person, i treated you like something that was stuck to my shoe, i hurt you and i always kicked you out. I made myself the victim in every single situation and i will never forgive myself for what i did. i was an awful mother to my kids, i walked out when i shouldn't have. I'm sorry that i wasted your time, i'm sorry that you feel you've got to be here. You should go and be with mitch. he's a good person calum and i know he makes you happy. He always did, he just had that way about him. You are very strong cal and i'm happy that you raised our children to be the way they are. Thank you for being here but i want you to go home and grow old with the one you love. thank you for everything"
"I want to stay here."
hazel shook her head. "please leave calum, i really do appreciate you and issac but i wanna be alone now. I'm tired."
"You're just gonna..." cal sighed. It felt like whatever at this point. Why was he even here? He had no idea...so he left and went to the bridge a few miles away from home where he sometimes went to smoke a cig and think. He ended up sending mitchy his location and he met him there.
"You okay cal? You don't usually smoke."
"I smoke all the time." Cal put the cigarette between his lips and breathed in deeply. Mitch nodded.
"You seems in a rush earlier, everything alright?"
"It's hazel."
"What happened? Is everything okay?"
"No and I don't wanna talk about it."
"I'm sorry." Calum stepped closer to mitchy. He wasn't okay. But he didn't want to feel venerable right now....even tho a hug and a kiss sounded sweet. Mitch seemed to read his mind tho because he wrapped his muscular arms around Calums waist. "I love you."
Cal leaned into him. He was warm. "I wish the past never happened."
"Which parts of the past?"
"Her."
"You can just let her be."
"I miss my best friend
"I know." Mitchy rested his chin on Calums shoulder.
"she's not in there. My best friend isn't in there. She killed her. I'll never see her again"
"Drugs have been her best friend for a while." At that Calum got angry. Really really angry and upset, and he kicked the stone wall of the bridge really really hard. mitch frowned and looked at him. "calum it's okay she's just slowly fading away anyway, she was never meant to be." In anger Calum pushed mitchy away a little and then threw his half used cigarette on the ground, stomping it out and twisting his foot despite the fact that it hurt worse than a motherfucker. "We should go back to your place."
"I'm gonna go back to my place...you go home." Cal walked over to his car.
"You sure?" Cal nodded. "Okay...I'll call you later." mitchy got in his car and left, and Calum did the same thing. He drove back home where issac and the kids where sitting and watching Tv.
"Dad." Issac greeted his father as he walked in the door.
"Hey guys."
"Can I talk to you?" Issac gestured up the stairs and walked up then. Cal followed.
They both sat down on cals bed. "What's up, kid?"
"Moms going to rehab.." cal laughed.
"No she's not."
"Yes she is dad I dropped her off!"
"Nice try. She told me she's not going."
Issac sighed. "Well she is. And she's there. Goodnight." And he walked off to his own bedroom to put himself to bed
