Metanoia / H.S #Wattys2015

Chapter Eight ▶ Gods and Monsters.

"Before I met you there was an emptiness inside of me and when you left it came back."

Audrey's pov

When he left the nightmares returned and the dark thoughts came crawling back, making me think that maybe I can't escape the unhappiness that fills every corner of my body, my soul, my mind. I've screamed for him every night, to make this sadness stop, to make me feel again. But he never came, only in my dreams where I meet the ghost of all those who left. There is this sudden desire in me to go outside, to let the cold night breeze clear my clouded mind and help me forget about him.

I'm wandering the empty halls all by myself with my white robe wrapped around my shivering body, the pale moonlight shines through my hair and I can't help but admire the hidden beauty of the dark night. Outside the first snow is starting to fall, making me think about home and all the countless times my dad and I build a snowman while mom was making hot chocolate for when we we're finished. I sit down on the cold hard floor, closing my eyes while letting the memories play in my head like some sort of movie, letting sleep take over.

Sunlight hits my eyes and I'm awakened by the gentle singing of birds outside. My body is covered with a warm thick blanket and I realise I'm not in the hall anymore. The room is a pale blue color, clothes cover the entire ground making the room seem smaller than it probably is. "Finally you're awake." A deep voice snaps me out of my thoughts and I'm face to face with a guy I vaguely recognise from my last group session, holding two coffee mugs."Who are you ?" The guy chuckles running a hand through his messy hair. "Still as polite as ever I see ? I'm ashton, here I got you some coffee."

The smell of fresh hot coffee fills my nose and I take a sip from the mug making me instantly fall in love with the delicate taste all over again. "So what am I doing here ?" Ashton looks up from his own mug raising one eyebrow before answering my question. "You fell asleep in the hall, almost freezing to death, so I brought you in here." "Oh" An awkward silence fills the room and I feel ashton's eyes on me, studying my every move. "I should probably go now before anyone comes in." "Yeah my girlfriend wouldn't like that." I let go a breath I didn't even know I was holding untill now at the mention of his girlfriend and in the corner of my eye I see him laughing at my relieved reaction. "You honestly thought I was trying to hit on you ?"

My gaze falls to the floor, somewhat embarrased I try to keep myself from blushing. There's a photo on the nightstand showing a girl with dark brown hair that falls in short waves on to her shoulder, Ashton is hugging her from behind and her head is slightly turned towards him, both laughing at the icecream on his face. "Her name's Chrissy , I met her at a concert before all this shit happend", a little smile is playing on his lips, "She's coming to visit me today."

As I walk out of Ashton's room after hours of talking about his girlfriend I bump into someone, muscular arms slip around my waist so I don't fall face first to the hard floor. I pull back, standing face to face with the one guy that's been avoiding me since last week. His eyes have dark circles beneath them, letting me know he has had as much sleep as I have . His gaze falls on to my clothing and I realise how bad this looks when I notice I'm still wearing my robe.

He instantly lets go of my waist before turning around to walk away again. I grab his arm and I can feel my heart shatter in pieces as he tenses at my touch. "Harry wait please-" His eyes meet mine but they're not longer that beautiful green color I've grown to love, instead they're dark filled with nothing but pain, betrayel and anger. "Move Audrey." But I won't let go, knowing that if I let him walk from me again nothing will ever go back to how it was. "No Harry listen, it's not what it looks like-" "So you're trying to tell me you didn't sleep in there the whole fucking night while I was up thinking about what I did to make you push me away."

His voice is harsh and cold, but his eyes are pleading me to tell him he's wrong. "Nothing happend, I fell asleep in the hall and Ashton found me there so he took me in." For a moment I think he's not mad at me anymore that he'll take me in to his arms, telling me everything will be fine, that we will be fine. But he walks away for good, letting everything I loved become everything I lost.

My legs feel numb, all emotions drained from my body, my hands are shaking and it feels as if the ground has been pulled away beneath my feet. I vaguely recognise Caroline's voice telling me I'm fine, that I will be okay but I won't. "He won't come back.." Tears are streaming down my face, it's as if the sadness is sufficating me and in that moment I know it's him I always needed in my life for he is like air and I couldn't breathe.

Caroline's arms wrap around me, whispering soothing words of comfort in my ear. "Aud look at me." I turn my face, embarrased by the state I'm in, so she grabs my head between her hands forcing me to look her in the eye. " Harry absolutely loves you, it's the way he always scans the room whenever you ain't near him. It's the way he looks at you, like a blind man looking at the sun for the first time. And I know he won't walk away forever because your love is like the moon and the sun you need each other to exist."

To love I need to let go of my fear. To feel again, to live again I need him and his love that mends my broken pieces and heals every cutt and bruise that is covering my heart and soul. So I ran, I ran after him because he is my angel and I couldn't let go. He's outside, eyes closed, rain washes away all the pain and in that moment I saw him, not just him but all of him. All of his fears, his vulnerability but most of all his beauty and I knew I am in love.

"Harry.." his name leaves my mouth, like a whisper carried away by the wind and silenced by the rain. His eyes flutter open, rain is dripping down his face and we just stand there, clothing soaked, shivering. "I need you" A small tear escapes my eye while I take a step towards the boy I love with everything I have left. His hands softly cup my face and he kisses away the tears that make their way down my face. "I need you to."I take a deep breath letting the words I've feared to say for weeks finally leave my lips.

" I don't know if I can ever feel something for someone ever again. And even if I do it could never be the way I feel when I'm with you." He holds me a little closer to his body, soaked clothes and trembeling hands mash together but I know we will be fine. A rainbow is forming itself above our heads, the sun is breaking through the dark clouds and for the first time in days it stopped raining.

AN: Sorry that it took so long for me to update but the chapter is finally finished. Please comment and rate to make my day:)
Love you x