Metanoia / H.S #Wattys2015

Chapter Eleven ▶ Dark Paradise.

"I still love him. I think I'll always do."

Audrey's pov

After that wonderful night everything had changed somehow. The nights turned colder and darker as the days went by and so did my mood. Harry had completely shut me out of his life, out of his thoughts and with every day a little bit further out of his heart.

I wish that I knew what happend, what I did to push him away but instead I'm left with a doubt that's eating away my newly found happiness. He was the best thing that happend to me, I'm sorry that he doesn't feel the same.

Harry's pov

I know what was about to happen when she said she wanted to speak to me, the sorry look on her face said it all. My sight gets blurry and I want to run, forget about it all, act like it never happend but I can't. And all I can think about is how Audrey can't know about this, I don't want to be the one that broke her. So I keep it still in the hope she won't hate me for what I've done to her,

for breaking my promise.

"Mr. Styles.....you can leave in two weeks."

Audrey's pov

"Why are you pushing me away ?'' I notice the muscles in his back tensing imediatly underneath his white shirt, but he doesn't turn around to face me. " I'm not.'' Two words nothing else. His voice that's usually filled with love, vulnerability even lacks any kind of emotion and I cringe at the sound of it. I take a deep breath, biting back tears because I won't cry, not in front of him. ''Except you are.'' But he doesn't respond, instead he steps towards the window tracing small paterns on it with his long slender fingers. ''You can't expect me to leave you like this, to leave us like this because I'm not done yet. I haven't given up on us, just tell me what went wrong.'' He spins around immeadiately, eyes dark filled with anger and frustration."DAMN IT AUDREY I SAID I'M NOT'' I can't help the tears that are streaming down my face now or the ache in my heart, because when I look into those eyes, I remember the Harry I fell in love with, with his beautiful but broken heart and killer smile who helped me feel again. But then I look at the guy in front of me and I barely recognise him because the Harry I fell in love with.... that's who he was, that's not him anymore.

Harry's pov

I needed to get out, to get away from the hurt I caused. So I ran towards the one place where no one will judge me, towards the one person who had always understood me because he had been there himself. My hands have turned blue from the cold winter air but I don't mind, I probably deserve it anyway. I kneel down in front of the picture of him just like everytime I come here for advise. "I have to go in a few weeks..." I shove my now tingeling hands in my pockets, looking at the ground in shame and if he were here he probably would've laughed at my unease. "And I'm so fucking selfish Mikey because I know she won't let us go. But I can't break her, I just can't be that person. So to save myself from feeling guilty, from beating myself up over hurting her I drive her into leaving me since she won't leave me untill staying with me hurts more then being appart.'' That's when it started raining and I knew he agreed with me, because the rain spoke to me in a thousand silent ways.

Audrey's pov

Forever and always you said, but then you realise that forever may not be as long as it seemed and suddenly you're not alright any more. Now you're stairing at the wall for what seems like hours, numb, empty. With the tears streaming down your face as the only thing that reminds you of being alive. The same song playing over and over again, but you can't understand what happend, what went wrong. So you embrace the pain, because it's the only familiar feeling you've felt in hours.

And suddenly there is anger, anger for feeling this way, for not being able to feel anything at all. So you scream, you cry, you throw your stuff at the picture of the two of you that's been standing there since your first date. But it doesn't help, because you lost him and with him a little piece of yourself.

"Are you alright ?"

I look up to see Chrissy staring at me, a worried look on her face.

I wanted to tell that I was fine, that she didn't have to worry but I couldn't, because my eyes spoke the words I didn't want her to hear. "Ashton and I...." She takes in a deep breath, holding back tears and I can't help but wonder what's been going on behind closed doors.

"Ashton and I... we've had a lot of trouble too. I met him when we were 17 , at a concert. His mom and dad used to fight a lot and you could see he was still hurting from that." Little tear drops fall down on the carpet and I give her a reassuring smile, encouraging her to go on. "Our love was like guns and roses, on time we would be fine, the perfect couple and we love each other we truely do. But then we would fight over the littlest things and..."

She's choking back tears, her hands are shaking and I can see what is coming next.

"He used to hit me." Her voice is small, barely a whisper but her words made the world stand still for what seemed like minutes. " He regretted it the minute he did it, but it happend....I think he couldn't tell me what he felt, so he let his actions speak for him. And all I could think was: I can't be the only woman that loves a man who hits her. He used to teach me how to protect myself from him, that's how I know he loves me...even when he would hurt me. So he went here, to help him manage his anger."

I didn't know what to say, so I just hugged the strong woman that's standing in front of me. "Harry loves you too Audrey, Caroline saw him outside talking to Mikey. Go find him." "Thank you."

I ran out of the room, searching for the man that has my heart from the moment I saw him. I found him at the roof, staring at the familiar view that had became a second home to us. "Hi." His bloodshot eyes are slightly swollen from crying, his tear streaked face more handsome then ever before. "Hi." His voice sounds raspy and he looks tired, tired of hurting, tired of crying.

"We can't keep doing this", he whispers.

I sit down next to him, pulling my coat closer to my body to protect myself from the cold night. "I know." I wanted to fight him, to tell him he's wrong, but I know there is no use, he already made his decision.

"When this is over, we'll meet again, perhaps then we'll be better for each other."

That evening the sky cried for us.

He put his arms around me, neither of us said a thing. We are the broken youth, living in a world of beautiful pain that remains on our skins, our souls, trying to figure out why we are who we are. But I wouldn't trade it for the world.

AN: Almost 1k thank you guys I can't believe it ! Your support has been amazing x