Serendipity

Imaginary roses and kisses

𝘐 𝘥𝘳𝘦𝘸 𝘢 𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘳𝘢𝘤𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘪𝘯 𝘮𝘺 𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘥,
𝘉𝘶𝘵 𝘪𝘵 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘮𝘺 𝘪𝘥𝘦𝘢𝘭.
𝘐 𝘬𝘯𝘦𝘸 𝘐 𝘸𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘩𝘪𝘥𝘦
𝘈𝘯𝘥 𝘐 𝘸𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘤𝘦𝘢𝘭.

𝘞𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘮𝘢𝘯𝘺 𝘨𝘪𝘧𝘵𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘴𝘱𝘦𝘤𝘪𝘢𝘭𝘵𝘪𝘦𝘴
𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘐 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘤𝘩𝘦𝘥 𝘶𝘵𝘰𝘱𝘪𝘢.
𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘣𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘥 𝘐 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘣𝘦 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘮𝘢𝘫𝘦𝘴𝘵𝘺,
𝘉𝘶𝘵 𝘐 𝘸𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘳𝘶𝘭𝘦 𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘢 𝘥𝘺𝘴𝘵𝘰𝘱𝘪𝘢.

It was the middle of January and I was thinking about what I was going to do about Bradley. How was I going to change his perspective on me to show that I have changed and I was truly sorry? I know most of you would say, "just let him go he's not worth your time" For me, that was not an option because I tried before and it led me down a path worse than what the one I was on. I wasn't going to let that happen again. I talked with Samuel later one day and he asked me who I liked currently and I said, "oh Jaden from a different school." Here we go again with the same old story. I was honestly getting sick of it.

That's when it clicked.

An idea came across my mind but it was not a logical one. My idea would be the riskiest plan to execute and maintain but the pay off would be amazing. It was almost tempting. My idea was to fake a relationship. Now I know what all of your thinking, "that is so low that this would stain someone's reputation forever." I knew that very well and I understood all sides but at the time, I didn't know what else to do. It was either do that or leave this school. Did you actually think I was going to stick around not being able to move on with my life peacefully? I felt like I was trapped and I know these type of things take time but I didn't have a lot of patience. So I decided to take that risk. On February 14, 2019, I was going to show that I was in a relationship with Jaden.

On that day it unfortunately worked and people believed it very well. People were surprised even that I could have a relationship with someone. My original plan was to make it as down low as possible but that did not work at all since I wanted to make it subtle as well but I didn't think much on that part. All throughout the day, all I could think about was how I was lying to everyone and digging myself a deeper hole. Why would I lie and risk all of my friendships just for one guy? I looked happy but I didn't feel that at all. All l I felt was guilt. Why did I feel like I deserve to feel that way?

People thought that I was living in my utopia and some people even wished for mine. Some people didn't really give a shit and that was fine. The less, the better but at the same time, would it hurt me in the long run if they didn't believe me? Some people would love to be showered with compliments and praise about their relationships. That was not me, every person that did only reminded me of what I hid. No one knew the smile on my face was only a lie.

I knew that if I let myself get exposed, people would hate me forever and they could never trust me again. I would have to transfer schools and start all over almost like a refugee. I knew I couldn't keep this secret all to myself so I decided to entrust three people with this highly sensitive information. Two from my school and one from another school. Those people were Natalie, Natalia, and Gabriella. I would forever be in their debt because even after I explained why I was doing this they fully understood. I would just like to note that this wasn't out of hatred and it wasn't for a game. I did this because I wanted a second chance and I wanted to show my love for someone that I truly cared about. I didn't wanna let my mistakes define who I was because I knew I was better than this. I was going to see how far I could take this and later on, I would feel the pain that I would cause myself.