MY ID IS JOONG'S BESTFRIEND [JOONGNINE] [J9]

17

17. Losing at the end of the line.

"You are beautiful..." Joss said to me, his eyes glued to mine. 

I stood there, speechless and taken aback. My heart skipped a beat yet it failed to flutter the way it seems when it comes to Joong Archen. There's a huge different between how I feel towards Joss and to Joong. When I'm with Joss, I feel easy and comfortable - as if I'm with an older brother but Joong makes me feel like I'm in a pure bliss. 

"Nine Kornchid," Joss calls for my name. I slowly drifted my eyes into him, feeling my breathing falters for a moment. I watch as Joss' hand move towards my face, cupping the side of my cheek. I feel this thumb gently caress my cheek, his touch seems like an ice. 

"I like you." Joss said to me sincerely. 

Joss stare at me with his glassy eyes. His confession took my breath away, my mouth almost falling open. My mind went blank for a seconds, failing to look for an exact words to describe how I feel. 

Joss must've noticed that I was flabbergasted by everything, his face changes quickly and was replaced by his worried expression. 

"I'm sorry..." I mumbled, a faint breathing escaped on my lips. I gazed on Joss merely as I try not to feel guilty about not reciprocating what he feels towards me. Words are hard to find to explain how I feel as I stand in front of him. 

And on that moment, I was brought up in the realization that I like him - that I like Joong Archen. I can force myself not to like Joong Archen but I cannot make my heart not to. He's like the place that I will always be returning to amidst of many places I've been to. The familiarity of his presence, his scent that is like my personal cologne and his warm and gleamy eyes. 

On contrary, the fact that I have a feelings for Joong Archen doesn't make me feel finally free about myself. And if I can possibly not tell Joong Archen about my feelings for him because of inside of me, I feel scared that I will ruin the bond between us. 

I can endure to act up like it was nothing;  that his every gesture brings a ton of butterflies swarming inside my stomach and can make my heart flutter just to keep the friendship I have for him. 

My eyes went back at Joss again and this time, there's a dejection painted on his face. "I like someone else, I'm sorry." I said to him apologetically. 

Joss went silent momentarily, his mouth slightly open.  

"Really?" he reacted, his face is blank. I nodded my head hesitantly at Joss. He let out a heavy breath and is followed by a light chuckle.  

I send Joss a small smile but still feeling terrible about how things are becoming between us. "We're still friends, right?" I asked him worriedly. 

"Of course," Joss told me, laughing halfheartedly. I remain staring at him and I can see how disquieting his expression is as Joss tries to look unaffected in front of me. "That person is lucky... because you like him." Joss said to me after a few minutes of awkward silence between us. 

I paused, my lips slightly quivers. 

"Does he like you as well?" Joss asked me. 

"I don't know." I answered truthfully. "I wasn't planning to confess to him, anyway." I forced a smile, acting nonchalant about it. 

Joss didn't say anything at all but he has that concerned expression on his face. "Do not torture yourself, Nine. I might know that person in mind and knowing him, I'm sure he likes you as well."    

What Joss said made me look at him surprisingly. I can't believe how Joss handles everything right now. I look for any signs that Joss might be joking around but I failed. All I see on his face is sincerity and acceptance.