Ksimon

Chapter 14

JJ

Simon went back to his room to record a video for his second channel since we still had a few hours until we had to leave to meet the other boys. I sat in my gaming chair debating whether to turn the camera on or not. Even though I seemed fine and showed it, a part of me didn't feel the same, like something wasn't right. My mindset wasn't really all there and I had no idea why or how to fix it. I may have ran off from Simon but there's so many things people don't understand. He may have been the one to drive me off the edge but he wasn't the one who pushed me to that extent. Ive been having a lot of issues with my family recently but I haven't told any of the sidemen. Its not really their issue so I'm not going to bombard them with some petty family drama. I don't want to disappear on the boys again, but considering they're making a football video I'm going to be no use injured. I shut out my thoughts and get out of my chair, I limp over to the lift and press the button for downstairs. The lift door opens and I walk to the double doors beside me where Josh and Vik sit, chatting away. I take a breathe, holding in all my emotions. "Hey guys, you wouldn't mind if I ditched sidemen recording would you?" I ask. "No it's alright, we wouldn't want you to hurt yourself further" Josh responds. "Okay thanks" I say, thankful that I didn't have to come up with an excuse or tell them where Im going. "Oh one more thing, do you know where we keep our spare pair of crutches? I only need one since I can't use my other hand" I ask. "I know what room there in I'll get them" Vik says as he gets up from his stool and dashes up the stairs. I limp to a stool and sit down, waiting for josh to bring up what I said to him yesterday. "How are things with you and Simon?" he asks. "We're good now" I respond to him, giving him a faint smile. Normally I would open up to josh and tell him everything that happened, all the confessions and how he said he felt the same, but then again we're not anything, we're not an item and we're not together. Besides my feelings are all over the place and if I start opening up then I'll show my weak side and I hate that I have a weak side. The less people that know about it the better. I mean I know that I have this whole act of being the one that is loud and obnoxious but no one recovers that quickly from anything. The thing is that we always tell each other everything because we may all be best friends but we're like family and we help each other through tough times, I'm just the one that's too stubborn to let anyone help me and sometimes I think I need someone to fall back onto but in the end the only person I rely on is myself.

"JJ can you hear me?" "JJ?" "Helloooo?" I snapped out of thought realising I completely spaced out. "Huh? What? Sorry" I say as I shake my head, Vik and Josh standing in front of me with worried looks on their faces. "Are you okay?" Josh asks me. "Yeah I'm fine" I take the crutch from Vik and thank him, I get up from my stool and walk out, not wanting to engage with any further conversation or a lecture. Im surprised I haven't got one of those yet to be honest. I get back into the lift and push the button up to my room. I walk out of the lift and to my desk, I sit on my chair and open my phone. I open my messages and find my mum. I hover over the key pad, debating whether to message or not. "Im coming over today" I type, I send the message and put my phone down, knowing that the day ahead of me is going to be dreadful. I hear my phone vibrate and turn the screen over, the message was from Josh. "We're now leaving, be safe and message us if you need us" I respond with an "Okay" and go to my wardrobe. I get changed into a black hoodie and joggers, I grab one of my black and white bandanas and tighten it around my forehead. I take my phone off of charge and grab some money from my wallet. I go into the lift and back downstairs, I walk over to the front door and pull my trainers on, putting my ankle in more pain as I do so. I go into the kitchen and find the pain killers still on the side, I take a couple out and make myself a glass of water to swallow them with, I put the rest of the bottle in my hoodie pocket and get an Uber. I wait in the kitchen, Looking through all my social medias for around 20 minutes until a message comes through my phone, telling me my Ubers ready and waiting outside. I grab my coat off the hanger and limp my way out the house, locking the door with my keys as I leave. I walk over to my ride and get in the back of the car. I tell him the address as I place my crutch on the floor and prepare myself for a long journey ahead.

After about an hour of driving we finally reach the house. "If you wait out here I don't know how long I'll be, but I don't think I'll be long" I say as I hand over some cash and step out of the car, I grab my crutch and make my way over to the door.I knock on the door and ring the door bell, I stand in the door way questioning myself knowing I should've never come in the first place. The door opens, my dad stands in front of me. "Olajide, come in" he says. I walk in past him as I make my way through, I walk into the living room with my mum sitting on the sofa watching tv. "Hi mum" I say awkwardly, trying to break the tension. "Olajide" she says, turning the tv off and standing up. "You shouldn't be here" she continues. "This is my house, why shouldn't I be here". "I will go get Deji" My dad says, walking up the stairs to Deji's room. "Whats so wrong with me coming home?" I say, my mum standing there, clueless of what to say or do. A few moments later Deji walks in. "What the fuck are you doing here?" he shouts. "What do you mean what am I doing here, I'm here to see you guys" I say. "We don't want you here, get out". I look over to my mum and dad, watching as they do nothing to stop it. "So what the hell is this, your going to take sides now? we're both your sons and your letting him kick me out?" I say waiting for them to say something. "JJ listen to your brother, you should leave" my mum finally says. "Seriously? I travelled all the way to see you, and your still protecting him over me" I feel myself getting angrier every moment. "JJ, your not wanted here, you've betrayed all of us and we never want to see you here, if you don't leave now I will call the police" He says, getting defensive with me. "I can't believe your taking sides, shame on you mum and dad, your forgetting that I'm your son too, just because I don't live here, it doesn't mean anything less, and Deji, the fact that you've forced them to see me as the bad person is disgusting, threatening your own brother, how sick are you. I would love to know how I actually betrayed you, last I checked I'm the only one in this family that hasn't". I shout, feeling all my emotions turn to one feeling. Anger. "You fuck everything up JJ, we don't need you to bring us down with you, Our parents would prefer if you just stayed out of their lives" he shouts, getting closer to my face "Funny thing is all I've ever done is love all of you, I would always stand by you Dej, your my brother, and yet here you are shoving it right back in my face, what's even funnier is that our parents are going to watch you say all those things and won't say a thing to disagree, I know when I'm not wanted. Have a nice life without me". Before I walk out I feel a fist connect to my face, I look back up to see Deji, walking away from me and up the stairs.  I walk out of the living room, my dad opening the door to let me out. "Olajide-" "Dad don't, you and mum have made it pretty clear that Deji is your only concern now, don't try and fix it while he's not around that's not how it works". I walk away. I open the car door and climb back in "Where now?" the driver asks me. "Just take me back home". The engine starts up and we drive away from the so called Olatunji household. I feel my eye throb, the area underneath it swollen. I sit in the backseat, staring out the window, my mind empty, my feelings bottled as every emotion tries to fight it's way to the surface.